Straight Outta Vault 75
by i.love.an.idiot
Summary: In Vault 75 the children are raised by scientists who are secretly running experiments to enhance the human genome through several generations. Johanna, one of their failed test subjects, ventures out into the Commonwealth on her own and is invited to join the ranks of the Brotherhood of Steel. Maxson/OC
1. Chapter 1

This story will follow Johanna Polowski, a refugee of Vault 75 who is my own creation. Bethesda obviously owns everything else. Don't sue, I'm not making money on this crap.

AN: This story is a work in progress and I'm currently editing chapters for content and consistency. 12.27.17.

oooo

It was nearing nightfall, but Johanna wasn't feeling the relief she expected to feel at the approach of familiar darkness that would remind her of the vault. In exchange for a reprieve from the blistering sun, visibility would dwindle down to almost nothing. Out here, in this wasteland, that could prove more dangerous than she had accounted for.

It had been three hours since she had left Vault 75 and the endeavor was starting to seem like a huge mistake.

The land itself was dead from the poison of radiation.

There was vegetation, but very little, and almost none of it was edible according to her Pip-Boy.

Buildings were leveled, reduced to rubble, and she had yet to find shelter that would provide enough safety to get some sleep.

Coming within ten feet of any water source made her Geiger counter protest with its nagging clicks. Even a short rain shower left her skin burning and her stomach throbbing.

The local wildlife was huge in stature and almost always hostile. In the vault there had been the occasional visit from a radroach, but nothing compared to the creatures that inhabited this wasteland. Not only had the roaches grown larger and more aggressive, but outside the safety of the vault existed huge, irradiated versions of rats, mosquitoes and crabs she had seen from a distance.

Armed only with an ancient, pre-war 10mm pistol and two clips, Jo kept her distance. She didn't know what to think of these creatures. Evolution was a subject she had studied in the vault, but nothing could have prepared her for the twisted, terrifying animals that she now faced.

The scientist in her was intrigued, but in the end she was still barely more than a child- eighteen years old, and fighting her instincts to run back to her vault. She wasn't sure what she had been expecting... something more than the dead landscape, perhaps freedom. The right to make her own life away from the horrors of Vault 75. The right to make her own choices. So far the only choice offered to her was whether to fight a giant crab, which had apparently wanted to eat her, or run away and save her bullets.

She hated to admit it, but the Overseer was right about Uptopland. Its deadliness hadn't been exaggerated. In just a few short hours her exposed skin was red and sore, she sweltered uncomfortably under her bright blue vault suit and her eyes were strained from squinting because the sun was a force to be reckoned with.

No one had warned her how harsh and unforgiving that weather was, it was clearly more powerful than she could have understood from a few outdated textbooks. There was the sun, beating down relentlessly, causing migraines to form behind her eyes from the brightness. Then there was the rain. She was excited when it started, having read about meteorology and weather patterns and eager to see it for herself. She became sick in minutes and was forced to take shelter under the overhang of a ruined building and administer some Rad-X.

If you could get over the irradiated atmosphere and the killer wildlife, then there was the desolation. It was so dead and barren.

Joanna craved the simple sight of another human being. She wanted to hear something other than the sound of her footsteps on the hard ground.

There was a long moment where a lump formed in her throat at the thought of roaming the Wasteland alone forever, and the girl froze, unwilling to take another step away from her vault.

She was positive, for however fleeting the moment, that she had made a mistake by leaving. She had been stupid to take the leap of faith and assume she understood the dangers of a life above ground.

But they would never allow her back in, not after being caught hacking the Overseer's personal terminal and learning the horrible truth about Graduation.

She had been lucky to escape without harm. Her scores for physical testing had never been anything more than acceptable, but she had subdued two security guards and then ran with strength and determination that deserved superior ratings. It was a good thing that no one followed, because once the sunlight assaulted her sensitive eyes, Jo sat on the ground, tearing up for several minutes as she tried to open her eyes against the brightness.

There was no turning back. If death awaited her in Uptopland, she was really no better off in the vault. Perhaps if she had just accepted her position in the science department rather than break into private terminals, she would be sitting behind glass while everyone she knew was killed. Either "harvested" for their good genes or "disposed of" like trash.

Her mind's eye flickered back to the vault, lingering on Joseph, the show-off. He was perfect. Top scores across the board along with dark good looks and a charming personality. Graduation day was in a few short months and then he would be dead, along with everyone else she knew.

Jo turned her face to the sky and took a few deep breaths to center herself. She couldn't help them. She was no hero. She was just a skinny little girl who was going to die and then probably be eaten by a giant rat. Somehow that thought was more bearable than imagining poor Joseph dead on an operating table, surrounded by scientists eager to finally cut him open.

Just when Johanna had steadied herself, she turned the corner around a ruined bookstore and ran straight into a mesh bag filled with indistinguishable red pulp. She touched her cheek, where contact with the bag left the entire side of her face covered with a sticky wetness. Maybe Johanna wouldn't have recognized the mess for what it was, but her eyes fell to the ground where the partial remains of a human lay, roughly cut in half and leaving a long trail of intestines behind. The red smear was still warm and her stomach lurched and emptied its contents onto the ground.

Jo knew she was being too loud, but she could not calm her heaving stomach until it was empty. She was bent over, gasping for breath, when a loud voice made her jump in fright.

"HUMAN!"


	2. Chapter 2

It was the most horrific sight she had faced in the wasteland yet. Only her better judgement stopped her from screaming. The monsters, these "super mutants" as they called themselves, were perhaps what the scientists of Vault 75 would achieve if they decided to approve use of an evolutionary catalyst on test subjects.

It could at least be called humanoid. Though it had the correct amount of limbs, a similar facial structure... it was wrong.

Easily eight feet tall, and built sturdy. It held an enormous sledgehammer over its bare shoulder like it weighed nothing, while it stood and stared at Johanna in shock. Its skin was green and stretched so tight over bulging muscles that Johanna could see every twitch its breathing caused. Though it was the only living thing Johanna had met that could articulate speech, it was the eyes that revealed the truth to her. There was nothing in them except rage. For some reason it was angry with her and she knew she had to run.

If she hadn't surprised it by walking boldly up to its door, Johanna wouldn't have had a chance. She only barely moved out of the way in time to avoid the first blow from the sledgehammer, which instead slammed into the brick wall of the bookstore and created a new window for the monster to call inside for backup.

As she ran recklessly into the unknown, her heart pounding against her rib cage, Jo was aware of two more mutants joining the chase. Through the twisting streets of Boston she left them behind, but they did not give up pursuit. She darted from cover to cover, taking care to make sure that nothing would see her.

For "evolved" creatures, it was strange that they were lacking in every aspect other than primal instincts.

Once she got over the initial shock, curiosity got the better of her. She wanted to study these mutants. So she watched them, doubling back a few times to observe them. Jo tried to decide if 10mm bullets would pierce their flesh. They were strong, but they looked mortal enough and only one wore any type of armor. She was grateful they were stupid, otherwise she would never have been able to watch them at such a close distance.

Though they weren't extremely observant, the mutants still must have developed some way to track their prey. She had been very careful and given them no physical trail to find, but still they managed to follow her at a distance and sometimes they stopped and appeared to sniff the air.

There was even one instance where Jo was sure one of them would spot her. He had stopped to breathe in deeply and turned his head suddenly right towards her hiding place on the second floor or a ruined building. She had immediately taken cover behind a desk, as the front of the building was currently in crumbles on the ground, and listened carefully for any signs that it had seen her. After that she had kept her distance and decided just to focus on getting away from them.

The last shreds of light were disappearing over the horizon when Johanna saw something new. There were four of them... people, one in a suit of power armor, the others in various jumpsuits and pieces of armor, all of them had weapons at the ready. The light of the power armor helmet bounced all over the street as the tallest figure scanned ahead. Soon, they would see her crouched in the remains of an alley. She turned on her heel and then swore out loud. There was no where to go. The collapsed buildings had formed a barrier or concrete and steel rebar that effectively left her trapped. Stupid girl, so worried about what's behind that she never considered what was in front of her.

Is that a minigun?!

With their large weapons and shiny pieces of armor, the group looked like they might be the answer to her problems. She could hope they were friendly, but there was no way to know for sure. Weighing her options carefully, Jo retreated slowly into the gap between buildings. She didn't need a bullet wound. As much as she wanted to reach out to these humans, she hadn't escaped Vault 75 just to be gunned down only hours later. She waited, letting the group draw closer and wondering how far away the super mutants were. If there was to be a battle, Jo wasn't sure which side she would put her money on. Admittedly, the group of humans looked impressive, especially the figure in the power armor who rivaled the mutants' height and carried a laser rifle. But something told her that the super mutants wouldn't give up until they were dead and unable to fight.

The humans drew closer, Jo watched their shadows dancing against the wall opposite her hiding place and said a silent prayer. Time seemed to move too fast, the lantern on the power armor was a few feet in front of her, at the edge of the alley. Jo held her breath as it started to move ahead and the vibration of heavy footsteps left her skin tingling. Her hand fell to the pistol at her hip, but she didn't unholster it. Her odds of not being shot at were better if she were unarmed. She would have to talk her way out of this one.

Slowly she raised her arms above her head and waited warily for the humans to reach her. She had no doubt they would discover her. It was tactically irresponsible not to clear the area. Sure enough, the figure in the power armor appeared again and he paused for a moment. After first looking to the right to assure there were no threats in the opposite alley, the light turned to her and forced her to shut her eyes against the brightness.

"Please, don't shoot!" Johanna shouted, trying to open her watering eyes. If they heard her or not, Jo wasn't sure. The figure in the power armor, decidedly male, kept his gun trained on her and shouted at his companions to fall back before he turned his full attention to her.

"Are you a civilian?!" he demanded, the helmet of his armor creating a robotic tone to his deep voice. "Are you armed?'

"Please, I'm peaceful!" It was hard to see through the glaring light, but she could tell his weapon didn't twitch at all. "I... I'm a vault dweller. I'm lost," she admitted. Her heart picked up speed at his term "civilian". Was the military still active?

He stood very still and considered her. Johanna supposed she might look crazy, but certainly not dangerous. She had always been the smallest of her class, standing at just five feet two inches and she was bony, despite years of vigorous training. Her vault suit was dirty from roaming the Wasteland, her skin was bright red, and her long blonde braid was frizzy and sticking up in odd places. She tried to convey innocence with her pale green eyes and just hoped it didn't appear as crazed desperation, which was closer to what she felt.

A second person appeared behind the one in armor. This one was a woman in orange military fatigues and a hood that hid her hair completely. She was dwarfed by the giant in power armor, and the look in her eyes gave Johanna hope. These were the eyes of a real person, sparkling blue, happy and full of humanity. The freckles across her nose made her look very young. Her weapon was already at her side and she smiled gently at Jo, though she did not speak. Slowly, the man next to her lowered his weapon as well.

When it appeared that the company wasn't about to shoot her, Johanna offered a warning about the mutants that were following her as she straightened into a standing position.

"Don't worry, Civilian. The super mutant menace is no match for the Brotherhood of Steel." He said it with complete confidence, almost a boastful tone. Johanna believed him. Even if they weren't with the United States government, they were obviously trained and prepared to deal with the horrors of the wastes in a way that Vault-Tec could have never accomplished. Still, Jo wasn't sure the man understood how close the mutants were. She had opened her mouth to try again, but it was too late.

The screams of a super mutant shattered the still night and Jo was instantly back into a crouching position against the wall, trying not to get hit with stray bullets or attract unwanted attention. The thought occurred to Jo that she should take out her pistol, and provide what little fire support that she could. She needn't have been worried. The Brotherhood members dealt with the mutants quickly, the woman with the sparkling blue eyes was crouched in front of Jo, as if protecting her as she fired a laser pistol at the charging enemy. Jo wondered briefly how many times the group had done this as the ground shook when the last mutant hit the ground only six feet away from her, dead.

When the firing stopped, Jo sank to the ground and sat there. She was exhausted and this was becoming too much to bear. She wished again that she had never left the vault. The "All clear!" came from one of the group, inviting Johanna to look up at the scene before her. Three mutants, almost certainly the ones who had been tailing her, lie dead and still smoking from their laser wounds. The open areas in which their bodies rested told Jo that none of them had tried for cover. She looked into the staring eyes of the one closest. The first thing she noticed was that with the emotions of the monster gone, they were human eyes. Dark brown irises, but light enough to see the pupil. Jo would assume the biological context was nearly identical to that of a human and it shocked her. They were out of place on the ugly brute. It's jaw was slack, letting the lipless mouth fall open and reveal yellow, bloodied teeth that made Jo suppress a shudder. She was glad they hadn't caught her.

It was hard to tell how many rounds it had taken to put it down, maybe twelve? Her 10mm should do significantly more damage than the standard laser pistol. She made a mental note to compare weapons if she should get the chance, but otherwise made no movements as she sat and stared at the monster in front of her.

"Are you okay? Are you injured?" The woman asked, shifting close to Johanna, but unsure of what to do.

"I'm fine." She coughed to clear her voice. "Thank you," Jo added, tearing her eyes away from the bloody mess to meet the other woman's eyes. The concern in her voice had been real.

There was a whoosh as the air lock released and the man in power armor removed his helmet.

"How far is your vault, Citizen? We could help you to return safely." The man was not old, but his face was lined with age, especially his forehead. Still, he had a full head of thick brown hair and warm brown eyes that at least showed concern, if not pity.

"No," she replied calmly. "I can't go back." She wanted to tell them more, wanted to tell them everything, but thinking of everything she had been through made her quiver uncomfortably. Jo decided she didn't like the feeling and turned her thoughts elsewhere. "I need a map. I need to find a city with people who are still alive."

The soldiers of the Brotherhood of Steel looked at each other for a moment, communicating with a shared expression.

"We... are unfamiliar with the area," The man admitted roughly. "Our Brotherhood chapter hails from the Capital Wasteland." This meant nothing to her except she was no closer to finding a safe place to sleep and Jo felt her skin begin quivering with emotion again. As if she could sense it, the woman in the orange fatigues lay her hand on Jo's shoulder. She then looked pointedly at her companion and tilted her head, as if trying to say something without speaking. The man wrinkled his forehead in response, considering.

It was fascinating to watch, obviously at least these two had worked together for some time.

Johanna turned her attention on the others of the group, whom she had previously ignored. One was a stocky man with a light buzz cut, his armor was all polished leather over an orange jumpsuit similar to what the freckled woman wore. His gun, Joanna was most impressed with. She had been never been allowed to fire a plasma rife in the vault, but the weapon fascinated her. She held back a smile and turned her attention to the last person of the group. The person carrying the minigun she had seen earlier was this woman, who shockingly couldn't be more than an inch or so taller than Johanna. The ease with which she carried that minigun only made her look that much more intimidating. Her brown hair was pulled back into a ponytail, dark eyes were scanning the streets.

"I am Paladin Danse of the Brotherhood of Steel," the man in the power armor broke the silence and pulled her attention back to him. "We have an area in the vicinity secured and you're welcome to accompany us. Scribe Haylen," he nodded to the freckled woman, who looked delighted, "would love to hear more from a vault dweller."

Johanna was shocked, and then so relieved that her eyes stung with tears.

"I would be happy to tell you what I can," Jo smiled at the woman, Scribe Haylen.

It hurt her face to smile and she supposed the burns she received from the sun were worse than she thought.

In the days that followed, Johanna felt as if she learned more than she had in an entire lifetime in the vault. It was a different world and Johanna expected much of her knowledge was now completely useless. What possible reason could anyone out here have to study Physics? Trigonometry? Greek history? Geography? She found herself wishing she had paid more attention in weapons training and wasted less time in art.

She wasn't a bad shot with her stolen 10mm pistol, but larger guns had her straining after short periods. Hand to hand was always what she had preferred in the Vault, but it would be suicide to approach a super mutant with a close range weapon as it fired a hunting rifle or threw a grenade.

Her new acquaintances from the Brotherhood of Steel gave her some sense of security, if nothing else. In their downtime Haylen seemed to be the only one interested in acknowledging her presence. The woman was kind and went out of her way to include Jo in conversations, but Johanna didn't kid herself. They weren't friends, merely people forced together by circumstance. As a scribe, Haylen was responsible for collecting information, among other things. She was so curious about the vault at first, but grew quieter as Jo answered her questions.

Even the most innocent subjects left an uncomfortable silence in the air.

"What did you do for fun in your vault?" Haylen asked uneasily, trying to redirect the conversation after Johanna explained the real purpose of Vault 75 and exactly why she couldn't return.

"Well, we didn't get much free time. We were encouraged to study or train whenever possible. I enjoyed theoretical science, mostly to stay out of the medical bay. Blood makes me queasy." Rhys, the male knight with the plasma rifle Johanna had admired, gave a loud snort from across the room. She knew better than to say anything. Most likely, she didn't want to know what Rhys was thinking. He was cold and abrasive. In two days he had managed exactly four words to Johanna. Once, he came up behind her as she had been lingering in the doorway of the old Cambridge Police Station the Brotherhood had secured as a base. "Can you move?" He requested coldly, followed by a grumbled "Thanks." She didn't quite understand his angle. He seemed to be a dedicated soldier, but it was obvious he held no love for the civilians they were trying to protect. Johanna decided quickly that ignoring him was probably her best bet.

The look on her face said it all, but Haylen said it out loud anyways. "I'm sorry." She shook her head slightly. "You've been through a lot."

Johanna offered Haylen a genuine smile. "It really wasn't so bad. At least in the vault there were no super mutants. We only had to worry about killing each other." Her sense of humor was lost on Haylen, who grimaced.

Thankfully, Paladin Danse, who was the highest ranking officer in their squad entered the lobby of the police station and stopped the conversation from going any farther south.

"To attention, soldiers." He almost sounded cheerful and Jo had to wonder what caused this outburst of emotion. The Paladin was as reserved as they came. Johanna remained seated, but watched intently as the others fell into line and awaited the orders of their commanding officer. She had to admit, Danse was an impressive leader. Upon his request, she had ventured outside of the police station with him to scout the area further.

They had spent a good portion of yesterday in the underbelly of Cambridge, and Johanna realized she would have died in a matter of days if she hadn't met Danse and his team.

The abominations called ghouls were something out of a horror story. It was a creature that looked like a corpse, but moved with lightning speed to attack anything that moved. Where there was one, there were many. The metro tunnels were full of them and Johanna couldn't keep up. She had managed to take down two with neatly aimed shots from her 10mm, but wasn't quick enough to prevent the third from colliding into her. She was taken by surprise at their speed and left disarmed. Danse took it out with a single shot to the head, just moments before it would have ripped her open. She couldn't help but to respect him, even with his personality lacking. He never acted as if she were a burden, but instead offered advice when she made a mistake or had no idea what she was doing, which was often.

She could see how he commanded the attention of the others so easily.

"New orders from the Prydwen. We are to return immediately and await details for a new mission. A vertibird should arrive within the hour. Be ready."

The group remained quiet and scurried away to pack their belongings, but she registered relief on their faces. Haylen had told her last night how much she was looking forward to a warm shower once they could return to their ship, the Prydwyn. Johanna was amazed that such technology existed in this world where everything was destroyed.

"May I have a word with you, Polowski?" Danse addressed Johanna as he usually did, by her last name. She assumed it was a habit of the military.

"Of course," she replied, and followed Danse into a smaller room off the lobby for privacy.

"I may have some good news for you," he offered her a rare smile, which Johanna returned easily. His eyes held excitement, but he stood rigid like the model soldier he was. "I have been informed that the Elder wants to extend to you an invitation to join the Brotherhood. He's most interested in your studies in the vault and thinks you would make an excellent scribe."

"Really?!" Johanna forgot herself for a moment and threw her arms around Danse. It was the cold metal of his power armor that reminded her exactly who she was hugging. "Oh, I'm sorry..."

"It's fine," Danse cleared his throat as she pulled away. There was a slight blush to his cheeks. "I assume this means you will be joining us on the vertibird. You should ready your belongings and make yourself smart. You will be meeting with Elder Maxson himself to discuss your entry into the Brotherhood."

Johanna had to admit, she didn't know much about the Brotherhood of Steel. Danse had tried to supply her with information, answering all her questions with a show of pride for his faction. They were a pseudo military group, which was actually quite widespread with chapters based from Washington DC to California. Their mission in the wastes always seemed to revolve around obtaining technology, with exterminating dangerous abominations and saving reckless vault dwellers being only a by-product. Danse's group was part of a larger unit from Washington DC. When Danse told her they were only in Boston, or the "Commonwealth", until Brotherhood business was completed, Jo was absurdly curious. She knew better than to ask for more details. Danse would sooner walk into the Commonwealth without his power armor than discuss details of a private military operation with a "civilian". She assumed that after joining the Brotherhood, she would discover more than she cared to know about their military operations.

A Brotherhood Scribe. Jo wasn't sure what she thought of that. It was better than being alone in the Commonwealth, even though the military didn't appeal to her. After nearly meeting her death several times in the previous days, she silently reminded herself that this was probably her best chance for survival and began stuffing her scattered belongings in the duffel bag she had taken from the vault. Along with her vault jumpsuits and a few first aid supplies, Jo carefully stowed her findings from her adventure with Danse. He had scoffed when she looted the rifle from a corpse, explaining that it was more likely to kill her than save her in its current state. She could fire it, and somewhat accurately, and that was most important to Jo. She could always repair it later, when materials became available. She had also found over fifty .38 rounds in a locked container she easily cracked open with a bobby pin from her hair. Danse had loved this skill of hers and told her as much. She didn't have to try to impress him, her time in the vault had apparently not been wasted on these "extra curriculars".

When they came across a working terminal, Johanna flashed him a toothy smile and began working on it before he could even approach the question. She hacked it in less than fifteen seconds and was able to shut down the air lock on a door so that they could continue their exploration and go on to find a filing cabinet full of technical documents and an ammunition box with three fusion cores. It was in this moment where Jo saw the approval in his eyes. Maybe she wasn't overly talented with a gun, but when Danse quietly asked her to store the technical documents in her duffel for Proctor Quinlan, Jo knew she had won him over. She wasn't surprised he had included her in his reports to his superiors, but was relieved that the Elder found her skills adequate enough to allow her entry into the Brotherhood.

It only took her a few minutes to gather everything she owned and fit it neatly inside her duffel bag so Johanna devoted the remaining time to making herself look presentable. The bathroom of the police station still had a mirror on the wall that was mostly intact. After changing into a clean vault suit she used a small amount of water and soap, only irradiated water remained, to remove the dirt from her face and neck. Her sunburn was fading, but her nose and cheeks still remained red and itchy. There was nothing to be done about her ruined complexion. Johanna sighed and began to free her hair from it's ruined braid. She hoped she would have a chance to wash properly once aboard the Prydwyn. In the meantime, she shook the dust from her hair and neatly remade a simple braid that fell to her lower back.

Johanna wasn't sure what meeting the Elder would be like, but she decided that she needed him to endorse her. If the Brotherhood was even half as interested in scientific pursuits as the vault had been, she figured she could be very happy there. Maybe even do some good and help the people in Uptopland, the Commonwealth, like she had been preparing to do for her whole life. For the first time since leaving the vault, she felt something stir inside and wondered if that was what hope felt like.


	3. Chapter 3

Johanna returned the smile Danse offered, finding that hers was genuine. His good mood must have been infectious.

The sun was fading quickly over the horizon, Johanna tried to make use of it while she could and scanned the ground. The Paladin told her how much he enjoyed flying in a vertibird. It gave him a different perspective of the "battlefield". Johanna could understand this. In science, if you were lost you just looked at the problem from a new perspective. She supposed the same went for war. The ride in the vertibird that picked them up from the roof of Cambridge Police Station gave her mixed feelings. The air was cleaner up here. Jo could see the blanket of smog beneath them that gave the Commonwealth even more of an ominous feel. She was grateful for the easier breathing, but a proper view of the Commonwealth left her jaw agape.

It was nothing like the photographs in her text books, Johanna had known that already. But to have a wide angled, aerial view of the destruction of the atom bomb... it was humbling. Each building was ruined, mostly crumbling to the foundation and the skeletons of automobiles littered the cracked streets, sometimes actual human skeletons joined them. She couldn't imagine this world ever having resembled the brightly colored photographs in her textbooks.

The world, Pre-War, must have been amazing. Now, only shadows remained of what had once been.

Though there were no signs of life within immediate range, Johanna was surprised to see the glow of electricity surrounding a tall monument in the distance. It was more than just campfire, she was certain. She had lived under the dim glow of artificial light for her entire life.

"Have you been that far north?" Jo asked Danse, pointing in the direction of the glow.

"Negative, Initiate. Perhaps we could return later?"

She marked the location on her Pip-Boy map, guessing that she couldn't be too far off from the actual coordinates.

Danse caught her eye again and inclined his head. His dark brown eyes glittered with emotion as he regarded her.

"You'll be a great scribe someday, Polowski."

"Thank you," she smiled. "That means a lot coming from you."

Though Paladin Danse was now her superior officer, by several ranks if she understood Brotherhood hierarchy correctly, Johanna didn't worry about becoming too familiar. In previous days she had not used his title and she didn't see the point in starting now. No one corrected her. Danse and Haylen had made her feel almost welcomed where everyone inside the vault had only tolerated her. Little Jo Jo, who couldn't keep an automatic weapon on point to save her life. The girl everyone avoided because they didn't want to talk about the homework for Advanced Engineering. The one who was always targeted during combat practice because she was so small and weak. It was refreshing to consider that, for once, she had something of value to offer.

Her eyes picked up movement on the ground and she froze, resisting the urge to take cover behind Danse.

The group of super mutants spotted them as well, Johanna could tell because their weapons were out in seconds. She was sure that the range of their hunting rifles would not allow them to harm her at this elevation. However, one mutant in the group held a large weapon that looked suspiciously like a...

"Missile launcher," Danse finished the thought for her and began issuing orders to his team. The vertibird pilot took them lower while Knight Ricci, the woman who acted as a heavy weapons specialist, took control of the mounted mini gun. Jo watched her in fascination as the pilot dipped low and then circled, allowing Ricci to fire on the mutants with spectacular speed and accuracy. The noise from the mini gun made her ears ache, but it was nothing compared the the whistling from the approaching missle and the fear it incited. The missile collided with the rear of the vertibird and Johanna barely contained a scream when the whole machine gave an enormous shudder. She was knocked down to her knees by the impact and was too scared to make it look intentional, in the way Danse had braced himself for impact.

To her credit, Knight Ricci only let the hit interrupt her rapid fire for a few moments. The noise pounded at her eardrums again and Johanna withdrew her pistol from the holster on her hip. She looked to Paladin Danse for direction, but he stood at the ledge of the vertibird, attention trained on the mutants below as he fired his laser rifle. It was all very smooth. As the vertibird circled, Rhys and Haylen fired their weapons from the opposite side of the plane and reloaded as Ricci fired up the mini gun again. With a short intake of breath, Jo moved to the ledge next to Danse, using the wall as cover, and surveyed the scene below.

Five super mutants had already been taken down, including the one with the missile launcher. Their bodies lay in gathering pools of blood, but more of them rushed past to pick up the fight where the first wave had failed. She saw six more, at least, but the Brotherhood recon team was making quick work of them. There was so much activity that Johanna wasn't sure where to fire, until she spotted one of the monsters running away from the fight. Jo was confused by the sight, but she lined up her sights anyways. She had never seen a super mutant retreat, their basic instincts suggested they would die in battle before they would admit defeat. She had seen it happen up close with the last group of super mutants she had met, who had been badly overpowered by Danse and his team. Even then, the mutants hadn't even considered that they might lose the battle. Did some individuals exhibit signs of self preservation? She didn't shoot the monster as it ran, but kept her gun steady and followed it with her eyes.

That's when Johanna saw the missile launcher and she swore out loud. The stupid brute wasn't giving up, it was going to shoot their vertibird out of the sky.

Even as it bent to reach for the weapon, she pulled the trigger three times in quick succession, thankful when the rounds entered its skull as planned. The mutant held very still, and then slowly fell forward directly on top of the missile launcher it had been going for. Johanna cheered and swore at the same time as a stay bullet hit some of the vertibirds wiring and sparks shot out of the wall, not six inches from her head. Her near death experiences were coming too frequently, but she shoved that thought to the back of her mind for later and steadied her grip on the pistol.

She moved her sights in the direction the shot had come from just in time to see the last mutant disintigrate into ashes and Danse lowered his gun.

The roar of the mini gun fell silent and Johanna only heard the ringing in her ears for a moment.

"Ad victorium, Initiate." Danse's voice was muffled, as if her head was underwater, but his expression wasn't difficult to read. Danse lived for the battle and his ruddy skin was flushed more from adrenaline. He grinned and holstered his weapon, almost sadly. She followed his example.

Rhys and Ricci were even more excited, or maybe they just didn't have to show the same restraint as Danse. Rhys let out a loud "Whoop" and clapped Ricci on the back in congratulations for an impressive performance or "Saving all our asses!" as he so delicately worded it. Haylen hugged the other woman tightly and they exchanged a look. Even Danse let out a breathy laugh and held Ricci by the shoulder for a moment.

"You were great," Johanna managed to spit out, very awkwardly. Ricci's smile fell, but only for a second. It morphed into something else, a smug grin full of contempt.

"The Brotherhood is the best," she replied, eyeing Johanna knowingly. Jo heard the silent implications. _You don't belong here._

When she boarded the Prydwen, it did not put her mind at ease as she had hoped.

Instead of kind soldiers like Haylen, Johanna was met on the deck with harsh stares and muttering. It became worse when Danse left her. A small group of people even openly pointed at her and joked about how many vault dwellers it would take to kill a super mutant. It was clear that Captain Kells also saw her as an outsider. He told her as much and warned that he would throw her off the deck himself if she caused any problems. That bubble of confidence from earlier popped quietly, as if not to bother anyone, and Jo let her chin fall to her chest as she was led away to meet with the Elder.

Arthur Maxson was not at all what Johanna expected. The term "Elder" was usually used to convey age, but the leader of the Brotherhood of Steel couldn't have been more than five years older than her. Maybe less, if you looked closer. His face was lined from the responsibility of his duties and was scarred in several places. Most notably was the wide and ragged white line that started underneath his eye and disappeared into a thick, dark beard. A few stands of silver hair were visible around his ears though it was buzzed short except for the top, which remained dark and thick. The deep lines of his forehead flexed as he addressed Johanna and the other new recruits with a deeply passionate speech about the ideals of the Brotherhood. Johanna could tell it was well rehearsed and wondered if the young Elder cared for his "family" as much as he claimed to. She wondered if he tried to personalize the speech for every new group of initiates. Surely there were not so many that the same speech had to be recycled over and over.

Despite his apparent lack of speech writing skills, Jo understood why Danse spoke so highly of the young man. When Maxson spoke, he commanded attention. His voice wasn't necessarily loud, but very deep. It reverberated off the walls and bounced back as something nearly tangible. He paced as he delivered the practiced speech with his arms held behind his back. There was just something about him that made her listen, but she couldn't really register the words anymore and instead focused on reading his body language. The Initiate beside her squirmed visibly when he made eye contact. Johanna couldn't blame her. His blue eyes were... intense. Looking into them, Jo couldn't decide whether he was ready for battle or ready for bed. He held his back straight and proud with the confidence of a man that had been through hell and back. His movements reminded her of the Superiors back in the vault, where every step was a calculated movement and held a slight swagger. Though he appeared relaxed, the dark circles under his eyes suggested his sleep was troubled. Jo bit her lip slightly. It was unusual for her to be unable to read someone. Most people were completely unaware of the story they told with their movements. Arthur Maxson knew. And he controlled his actions perfectly, not giving anything away. He was the most puzzling human she had met in the Commonwealth and the raw emotion in his voice left her heart racing as she waited for him to continue to the conclusion of the welcoming speech.

He dismissed them easily after giving the standard Brotherhood salute, which she had seen Danse perform many times already. It was easily becoming a habit to return the salute.

"Ad victorium!" He had raised his voice at this point. Their motto was simply "To victory!" Johanna wondered if it had been Arthur Maxson's idea to use this phrase as a motto. It wouldn't have surprised her. She turned to leave the viewing deck with the others, but nearly tripped over her feet in surprise as he called her name.

"Initiate Polowski?" The Elder asked, his tone only slightly more reserved than it had been during his empassioned lecture. She still felt as though he was calling for her to take a bullet for him. Slowly she turned back around to face him and observe him without reproach. It didn't surprise Johanna that he knew who she was. Even if it hadn't been for his keen observation skills, Jo figured she was probably the only vault dweller he had ever met and the blue jumpsuit was a dead giveaway.

"Elder Maxson... Sir." She spoke slowly, trying to watch his body for telling signs that might give her information. When their eyes met, the silence seemed to last forever. Those cold blue eyes were penetrating and she suddenly found herself wishing she had pretended to ignore him and just ran back to Danse. There had not been many people to ever provoke this feeling inside Johanna. She could remember one occasion in the Vault. Years ago. Richie Hart, a Superior that was three years older, had challanged her as his sparring partner for the month because she wouldn't kiss him. The way his eyes bore into her gave her chills like the ones Maxson's gaze caused currently. Richie Hart then proceeded to beat Johanna to a pulp every day for the next month.

"I wanted to meet you personally, Polowski," he said, giving her a small smile. "After reading Paladin Danse's reports I was most impressed with your level of skills."

"Thank you," She nodded to him in acknowledgement and wondered if Danse had embellished his reports to earn her this individual welcome. He returned the gesture, keeping his eyes fixated on hers.

"Admittedly, I'm also very curious about your background. Scribe Haylen compiled a brief summary of Vault 75 based off your... interviews." She was surprised at his choice of words, but didn't react. "How old are you, Initiate?"

"Eighteen. Sir." Jo reminded herself to add the title. The Brotherhood was still new to her and the last thing Jo wanted to do was upset their leader by disrespecting him. She hadn't secured enough resources to survive a banishment.

"And you participated in the experimentation of Vault 75 for your entire life, until recently?" He spoke the truth, but Johanna didn't like the way he said it. The words were cold and unfeeling.

"I told Haylen, Sir," Johanna paused to subdue her sharp tone, "that I was raised from birth in the vault. I was a test subject in the process to improve human genetics through experimental methods. I was unaware of the situation until only a few days ago."

"Are you aware of any methods used involving forced evolution or mechanical implants?"

"No. Sir." He didn't look satisfied with her answer and rephrased his question so that there was no escape.

"Could you tell us anything about the methods implemented to alter the human genome?"

Johanna considered her answer carefully, but quickly. Maxson was showing an unhealthy amount of interest in the pursuits of Vault 75, almost as if he didn't trust that she was a normal human. Danse had expressed similar concerns upon hearing the term "genetic improvements".

"Selective breeding. Mostly. Accelerated generational cycles." She waved her hand to dismiss the question and went on to tell a small lie. "I'm sorry, I didn't get to look at the terminal for very long."

"Noted," he replied, finally putting a stop to his unrelenting stare and turning his attention to the aerial view of the Commonwealth from the viewing deck of the Prydwen. "It's your education we want Polowski, not the secrets of your enhanced development."

She was temporarily stunned by his boldness. It seemed Arthur Maxson didn't mince words."Sir?" She didn't know what else to say. Had she been so transparent? He had noticed her discomfort almost immediately and correctly pinpointed it's source.

"Much of the curriculum of Vault 75 is lost to the rest of the world." He still watched the Commonwealth through the large windows and Johanna was glad he didn't choose to subject her to another penetrating stare. "It's unlikely that you will come across those kind of educational materials again. I would think it's safe to assume that your scientific knowledge is without competition. Our scribes are dedicated, but only as knowledgeable as resources permit. And despite your... unnatural upbringing... I have no doubt that you will be a great asset to the Brotherhood."

Johanna nodded in understanding, and tried to force words.

"I was only Average anyways, but really that meant complete failure," Johanna muttered. "You'd have to go grab up some Superiors to get the secrets of enhancing human genetics." She meant it as a joke, but cringed slightly when she realized what she had said.

An image of Maxson storming the door of Vault 75 flashed in her mind. It scared her. That Maxson tried to convey nothing but honesty, but still she had no idea of his character. He was the kind of person who could tell you the truth, but then stab you in the back without lying. It was realizing the depth behind those piercing eyes which were now fixated on her. Johanna suddenly found herself short of breath.

"I would like to promote you to the rank of Scribe, where your strengths lie. But you should give special attention to physical training. I understand having weaknesses. But we should always try to improve our skills, Johanna."


	4. Chapter 4

Meals on the surface were something Johanna had strongly come to dislike. After years of her diet being restricted to vegetables and protein supplements, the whole idea of eating mutated animals was disturbing. Even the vegetables, grown in irradiated soil, prompted her to pop some Rad Away after meals. It was no wonder so many ghouls infested the Commonwealth, with its people on a diet like that.

These people were _eating_ mole rats.

Unlike in the vault, sources of protein were common, and necessary, to survive. That didn't mean she had to like it. She looked around to the soldiers in the mess hall and supressed a frown. They seemed happy enough with the menu, but Johanna kept seeing beady little eyes in the back of her mind when she looked down at the charred mole rat meat on her plate. With a side of 200 year old InstaMash.

It was a relief when Haylen took the seat next to her and Johanna was able to tear her eyes away from her plate. She did not have a plate of her own, but held a folder of notes to her chest. Work, that's all Haylen ever seemed to do. She looked happy as always, but offered her brightest smile, the one she usually reserved for Rhys.

"Congratulations. Scribe Polowski."

"Thank you." Johanna smiled a tiny bit. Only Danse had congratulated her on the promotion so far. He had known already and offered her a smile and a salute when they reunited after her meeting with the Elder. It was official. She had become a part of the Brotherhood of Steel.

"Danse said we're stuck here for a while," Haylen didn't look upset at the prospect of being stuck on the ship at all. The entire team had been out doing recon for too long, she had said at the police station. Too long without access to running water and real beds. "I wanted to see what your plans were for this afternoon."

"I have three sets of technical documents to read and summarize for Proctor Quinlan," Johanna replied, thinking of the stack of papers in her new, Brotherhood issued backpack. It was tremendously easier to carry than the duffel bag she had taken from the vault. Haylen's face fell and Jo couldn't help but to sigh inwardly. "But I can do that tonight."

"That's great because I wanted to talk to you about Vault 75." Now, it was Johanna's turn to feel disappointed, but she didn't let it show. She had promised her knowledge of Vault 75 to Haylen, but never looked forward to these... interviews. Maxson's word seemed appropriate. It wasn't that Jo didn't want to talk about her life, but it always made Haylen uncomfortable. "I thought of some questions last night," Haylen continued "and I'm just dying to ask you."

"Can we go to the workshop? It's quieter there."

"Of course, Polowski. I'll follow you when you've finished eating."

"Oh, I'm finished," Johanna assured her, clearing her plate from the table. She had managed a few bites of InstaMash, but the radiation was killer on her appetite. The hunk of rat meat lay untouched.

It was only her second day aboard the Prydwen and Johanna was making note of people and places to avoid.

In theory, the upper deck devoted to scientific studies should have been her safe haven. She hated it. Specifically, she hated the people. The scribes were no more welcoming than the knights had been, maybe a couple were even more openly hostile. So far the workshop was the only place Jo felt comfortable. It didn't hold the same allure as the science deck, but it was the middle of the day and both places were sure to be busy. To be completely honest, Jo preferred Ingram over Neriah any day. And of course, it was bound to be quieter without scribes rushing around to stay out of Neriah's way.

Head Scribe Neriah was Johanna's new Overseer, in some respects. She delegated duties to lesser scribes so that Proctor Quinlan could concentrate more on his work, whatever that was. The Order of the Quill didn't have as many members as Jo would have thought. She guessed that most Initiates wanted to become Knights because scribe work was too dull for them. Johanna supposed that she was sorted properly because it sounded exciting to her. To research technology. Acquire it. Learn about it. Spend hours engrossed in 200 year old documents to learn about recovered tech and understand how it works. And use that information to create something useful to humankind. And this was Neriah's passion.

Johanna didn't dislike the woman, she could understand being in the middle of an experiment and a possible scientific discovery. There had been several times in the vault where she had went without sleep or food, just to find out out if her new hypothesis was correct. Johanna saw this devotion when she first laid eyes on the woman and smiled widely. Until the Head Scribe opened her mouth to speak.

"What are you doing here? You're not supposed to be in here." Neriah eyed Johanna's blue jumpsuit with distaste.

"Proctor Quinlan sent me," Jo said softly, lacking the confidence to explain further.

"Well you can just wander on back to where you came from because my team doesn't need a vault dweller getting in their way."

She had run away with her metaphorical tail between her legs.

Yes, the workshop was the only safe place this time of day. The decks would be empty later, so that she could get some fresh air, but not until the moon was high.

* * *

Haylen tried to start with simple questions, something to get Johanna to open up about her experiences.

"How many children were in Vault 75 with you?"

"This generation began with twenty-three. I was the eldest of the remaining eleven." She saw Haylen's eyes widen in shock and swiftly reached out to catch the screwdriver that slipped from her fingers.

"Thanks, I needed that," she muttered, correcting her grip on the tool. The workshop offered the tools and tiny screws that she needed to repair her hunting rifle. She was taking advantage of the opportunity while giving Haylen her interview.

"How... how did they die?"

"Usually from training excersises. Sometimes genetic abnormalities." Johanna turned back to the work table, not speaking her suspicions that the scientists killed them purposely, even if it was indirectly. It was almost fact. There was no plausible reason for the mortality rate to be so high in a controlled environment.

"I'm sorry," Haylen said, smoothing a wrinkle on her jumpsuit. She was uncomfortable again, but trying to regain her focus. "I have a list of questions, but every time you answer one I think of ten more..."

"It's fine," Johanna shrugged, showing her indifference. "I don't mind, really."

"Do you think the children were content? Did everyone believe they were training to protect the people above ground?"

"Yes. I mean, I think they did. It was a constant competition to stay at the top of the leader boards. And it looked to me like they enjoyed it. Some of the boys would brag about how many mutations they were going to kill Uptop."

Jo could only speak for her generation, as she never had access to thorough records. The Overseer's terminal only contained a basic abstract of the experimentation. Detailed records of past generations were surely kept in the science department, completely separate from the living quarters where she spent her years. The only entrance to the science wing was under tight security. Jo noticed the armed guards and password keycards at a young age, but she had always assumed the area was an archive of sorts. It took her sixteen years to find the courage to question those details and two more to find the right conditions to act upon the thoughts that came with it.

Nobody saw it coming. She broke into the Overseer's office one night when the halls were abandoned. Guessed the the password to his terminal in thirty seconds and spent the next twenty minutes discovering that her whole life was a lie. Already furious from reading the experimental abstract, Johanna was nauseated when she opened the email concerning _her_. Non-confrontational. No close bonds with the other subjects. Low scores for physical testing, but high intelligence. A perfect candidate for the science department. She hadn't even thought of it, she'd just bolted and then run into those two unlucky security guards.

Thinking back on it now, Johanna wondered what would have happened if she'd just waited for Administration to approach her. They would have withheld information about the fate of her classmates, the email admitted as much. She wouldn't have known their fate for after graduation until the next cycle began. She probably would have accepted the position. And afterwards? Would she have cared about the fate of test tube babies that she would never meet? The answer should have been yes, no doubt about it. But Johanna was not stupid. She wouldn't have said a word because they would have killed her. Did any of the others feel the same? Were they tricked into accepting the depravity of Vault-Tec as being normal?

"You okay, Polowski?" Haylen asked her. Johanna noticed she had been staring vacantly at the work table.

"Fine. Just thinking. What would have happened if I never found out." Jo realized she said the wrong thing again when Haylen suddenly pulled her into a tight hug.

"You got out, that's what matters." Haylen misunderstood, but Jo didn't correct her. She had a feeling it would only make things worse, since Haylen couldn't understand how close she had come to joining the science team. She wouldn't have been making a choice between life or death. But life or letting her humanity die.

It was then she decided that she was going to do this properly. She was going to devote all of her effort towards becoming a Brotherhood Scribe. She wouldn't let herself become useless, like she had been in the vault. Easily manipulated, even easier to replace. Jo was going to be the best damn Scribe she could be, and to hell with what everyone else thought.

"Yeah," Johanna grinned. "I'm glad things turned out like this." And honestly she was. The Commonwealth left her with culture shock after living in the blissful ignorance of Vault 75. It was rough living outside, for sure. Despite this, Jo knew she was better off. She knew it when she first she saw the look of horror on Haylen's face during that first line of questioning, the disapproval of the others when they overheard. It made he sick to her stomach now, thinking about the upcoming Graduation. Everyone she knew was going to be killed. The thought hit her like a blow to the gut. It was such a waste, Johanna had been training all their lives to help everyone Uptop, and many of them had the abilities to do so. Golden Boy Joseph and his posse of Superiors could probably take out a whole nest of super mutants by themselves. The Brotherhood would have been happy to take them in, Jo was sure of it.

"I had another question, I've been really curious about the water purification system."

She pushed her darker thoughts to the back of her mind and told Haylen of the Vault's setup, for she had worked on it many times after befriending the maintenance workers. They spent nearly half an hour in comfortable conversation, which was a first for Johanna. She liked the feeling. She felt lighter, it was easier to breathe. Johanna reminded herself to seek out Haylen more often. If she was going through with joining the Brotherhood, a friend might be nice.

* * *

AN: I had to remind myself to stay focused. I'm imagining Vault 75 as sort of a mini Hunger Games. I didn't realize that at first, but it makes sense. To me. They trained the vault dwellers to be strong and intelligent, like the Careers. Except in Vault 75, the odds are never in your favor. Please, someone run with this cross-over. :P

I wanted to say thank you to the kind people that reviewed and helped me to remember that just because I've got all this straight in my head, doesn't mean everyone else does. I'm sorry and I'll try to be more considerate in future chapters! All of you helped me, whether you're helping me to correct my mistakes, calming my anxiety or blowing up my ego. I've got a lot of ideas to come! I was so happy to be able to be writing again I guess I forgot how many stories are left unfinished so I can't blame any of you for not sticking with me just yet. I think most of this chapter is dialogue, which is something I wanted to work on more since I am socially retarded. I also made an effort to shorten the length. Any thoughts on these subjects or anything else? Scribe Neriah is probably out of character. Her gameplay dialogue didn't stick in my head too well, so I've created a new personality for her that works better for me. I'm allowed, right? ;)


	5. Chapter 5

In the following days, it became harder to keep a positive attitude. Most of the Brotherhood seemed to view her as an outsider and ignored her if she was lucky. If not, if the more aggressive Knights would see her, they would give her dirty looks or make rude comments. She didn't really understand why they treated her badly when she tried her hardest to stay out of the way. She devoted her time to her assigned work, which helped greatly to take her mind off things. Proctor Quinlan absolutely loved her summaries of the technical documents he would give her and his eyes were so hopeful she couldn't help but to take another stack of documents on her way out. It was never ending, and probably the most exciting part of being a scribe since Neriah had made it clear she didn't want Johanna within sight. She almost missed the police station, where the company had been less hostile.

She knew that Danse and Haylen noticed how unhappy she was. She never mentioned her treatment, but she thought they knew anyways. The two of them seemed to take to watching over her in turns. She rather wished they wouldn't have bothered because it made her feel like a burden, but Jo appreciated their effort too much to say anything. Everyone else kept their distance when either of the two were around and she noticed that the chatter died down if they entered a room.

Haylen's idea of a good time was usually studying or asking her a million questions, which was okay. Johanna thought that soon Haylen would know everything that she did, if they kept meeting for these study sessions. She had compiled a thick stack of notes on Vault 75 from their interviews and one equally as large concerning her questions on the subject of quantum physics. It was hardly her area of expertise, but Johanna recited everything she could remember from her textbooks and secretly enjoyed watching Haylen's excited eyes as she scribbled notes down. Apparently the Brotherhood library only held one, partially destroyed book on the subject. Jo was more than happy to share what she knew.

Danse preferred to spend his time with her in the training yard and shout encouragements to her as she failed spectacularly in pretty much everything. The shooting range was the easiest, since she had already had extensive weapons training, but she could only laugh and shake her head when the Paladin offered her a mini gun. She figured she'd be more likely to shoot Danse than the target and told him as much when he frowned and she remembered that he was her superior officer.

They would spend hours just walking around the outside areas of the base. Conditioning, Danse had called it. Johanna didn't understand why they spent so much time on this, she was a skilled runner. Her speed was probably the only thing that had saved her life in the vault, since she constantly had to dodge her aggressors in sparring matches. Secretly, she liked spending her time with Danse the most. They would explore the standing buildings at leisure to scavenge and he didn't ask about the vault or why she never socialized with the Brotherhood. She found that it was easy to forget about all the little, trivial things when you could be attacked at any moment. It was thrilling. She had realized one day what Danse had meant when he used the term conditioning. He was preparing her for battle. She was starting to become more excited than scared when she and Danse would come accross any mutations and it showed in her confidence with a gun. Of course, she still relied heavily on Danse, but Jo liked to think that she wasn't a hindrance anymore.

"You're getting better with your response times. Maybe you won't kill us both after all," he had teased.

It was hard to adjust to this new routine and it showed mostly in the dark cicles forming under her eyes. She saw this haggard look in everyone she had met Uptop. Perhaps it was the sheer lack of safety. It was difficult to rest properly when there was always the threat of death looming over your head. Sleep came more easily after the days she spent with Danse. She would always return from these sessions ready to collapse into her bed and usually she wouldn't wake until breakfast. Unfortunately, Danse had been sent away with the rest of his recon team, including Haylen, a few days ago and Johanna had been left behind. She understood when Danse had told her that she "wasn't ready", but it still bothered her. And now, she hadn't had a civil conversation with anyone in days and was becoming restless and quick to lash out at the group of Knights that had been harassing her. One in particular, a young man with bright red hair named Alan Murdoch, had been the most vocal about his disapproval.

He had approached her one night at dinner, pulling out the chair directly next to her and surprising her into spilling her drink. It was obvious with the way he sat that he was arrogant, but not so much as to forget to keep his wits. He reminded her of a young Arthur Maxson, maybe before the years of acting as Elder had changed him. Darker blue eyes held the same intense stare, but his face remained neutral.

"Scribe Polowski. Is that what I should call you?"

"My first name is Johanna, if you prefer," she replied uneasily, trying to gauge his intentions.

"You're very pretty, Johanna," he had said, shocking her. He nodded, unsmiling. "Really. It's too bad you won't be around for long, we could have made the prettiest babies. This world is going to eat you alive and you don't even know it yet."

"Oh. Well. Fuck you too, pal." She knew it wasn't the wittiest of comebacks, but her mind was still reeling from disbelief at his audacity. Seething, she stood and left the cafeteria without even clearing her plate and utensils. The past few weeks had been a learning experience, and she now knew several things for certain. There was absolutely nothing she could do to to get the Brotherhood soldiers to accept her as one of them. Proctor Quinlan had no work available that actually posed a challenge. Neriah would never let her become involved with her delicate experiments. If there was a place for her on the Prydwen it would be hard earned.

On top of everything, she was starving and losing weight fast, since she had deemed most of the food Uptop to be inedible. She had become so weak and tired that she was practically force fed by Danse learned of the reason behind it. There was pity in his eyes, but he assured her that she would adjust to it.

"Eat up, soldier," He would watch her pointedly until she raised the fork to her lips. He did this for almost every meal now. And despite his absence, Johanna still went through the motions of eating the strange food and trying to keep it down. Most of the time she failed.

Brahmin steaks. Mirelurk stew. Mole rat on a stick. Wild dog meat, which Johanna had flat out refused. One day she had tried bits of something called Yao Gui with noodles, for a "rare treat" the cook had said. Apparently the meat was difficult to find. It was all disgusting and her body rejected the foreign substances violently. She had been sick for days now from mole rat and she estimated she was at least ten pounds lighter than she had been upon leaving the vault.

She would have taken anti radiation medicines, but couldn't afford to buy them with the currency used in the Commonwealth when all she had were stacks of pre-war paper money that were no good to anyone. At any rate, Johanna wasn't sure that radiation was the only cause of her symptoms. In theory, she should develop a slight resistance soon after exposure and she waited eagerly for this to occur.

Johanna was becoming hard pressed to find comfort in her life Uptop lately.

It was becoming her new bedtime routine. To become so restless that sleep refused to come, though she would lay there for hours with her eyes closed while her mind refused to shut down. After three AM the Prydwen was deserted as everyone had long since returned to their bunks, other than a few on patrol. Maybe it was a lack of better options, but Johanna found this to be the perfect occasion for some rare alone time. Even her sleeping quarters were shared and it had been days since she had the opportunity for some breathing room. Growing impatient as she waited for sleep to come, Johanna decided it was useless. She kicked her thin blanket off and grabbed up her shoes. No one around her stirred as she set off for her new favorite haunt. Her feet carried her to outer decks of the ship, to a secluded area away from the docks. It had become familiar to her in recent days. It was nothing spectacular. Just a little area of the top deck that dead ended into her own private alcove.

With a deep sigh, she sat on the deck and let her legs dangle over the edge. The wind was harsh tonight and Johanna wished she would have thought to dress warmer. Already her skin was stating to tingle underneath her thin vault jumpsuit. She had been given a Brotherhood issued jumpsuit, one matching the bright orange of Haylen's. It remained in her trunk, mostly because the bright color made her eyes hurt. It was only slightly thicker than her vault suit anyways. For a brief moment she considered returning to her bed, but couldn't stand the idea of lying awake for any longer. She braced herself against the chill and let her eyes wander over the Commonwealth. From this height she could still see the tall monument with electric lights in the distance. Danse assured her that they would investigate it soon, but only when he thought she knew enough not to die. It had been hard to argue with that. So she watched longingly from the deck of the Prydwen and tried to imagine what the people would be like, if it was a settlement as she suspected. The Commonwealth had proved to be a dangerous place so it was likely they were well armed and skilled enough to defend their territory. Intelligent enough to create a lasting source of electricity, for the lights in the distance were always visible once the sun started to fade. Were there many people with different skills? Were they friendly? Were they even human? The unanswered questions burned her and she tightened her grip on the railing without meaning to. The rust dug into her soft palms and she relaxed almost at once. Johanna sighed and she hoped Danse would return soon.

The Prydwen was starting to feel like a prison and she wanted to escape, just for a little while.

Johanna heard the footsteps before she saw the figure approach. She had resisted the urge to bolt, but found herself wishing that she had ran, once she saw who approached. He hadn't seen her yet, Johanna was sure because Maxson's usually steely gaze was fixed on the ground. She noticed that he didn't wear his thick coat, only a plain white shirt and black pants. Most shockingly, his shoulders were slumped with fatigue. It was such a contrast to what Johanna had seen of the Elder that she suddenly felt as if she was witnessing something not meant for her eyes.

He finally saw her sitting on the deck, looking up at him in wonder. She dropped her eyes and felt her face heat up.

"Elder Maxson, I'm sorry. I was just..."

"Don't apologize, Polowski. It's unbecoming of a soldier." She fell silent at his laid back tone and brought her eyes up to meet his once more. He had corrected his posture immediately, and so perfectly that Johanna almost wondered if she hadn't been seeing things. How could Arthur Maxson be anything but the strong, proud leader in front of her now? His eyes told a different story. He couldn't hide the weariness in them, the dark circles, or the creases in his forehead. To look at him, you would think he carried the weight of the world on his shoulders. He looked like a man in desperate need of a long rest. As if to add evidence to her thoughts he sat down on the deck next to Johanna, letting his legs dangle in the same fashion. Their shoulders were only a few inches away from each others and it made her slightly uncomfortable.

"I like to sit out here and relax some nights," she explained, hoping she had judged his mood correctly. She smiled and hoped Maxson wouldn't reprimand her for not addressing him by title.

"Understandable," he nodded, but otherwise remained still.

"When I can't sleep, I come here and just feel the wind. I've never felt it before recently, you know. " This piqued his attention.

"It must be something to behold," Maxson motioned with his hand in the direction of the Commonwealth, "after living your entire life underground. How are you adjusting?"

"The food sucks," she blurted out without thinking. To her complete shock, Maxson laughed heartily and looked on in amusement.

"That's it? That's your complaint?" Though embarrassed, Johanna nodded once admiring the sound of his laughter and the way some of the lines on his face disappeared when he laughed. He looked like a much younger man.

"I've never consumed irradiated food or water before. It's making me sick," she admitted. His features lost all traces of amusement and she realized that, once again, her social skills were lacking.

"You're not taking Rad-X with meals." It wasn't a question. She suddenly felt childish and squirmed slightly under his stare. He was much too close to her, too close to give her that intense gaze. As her breath started to come in shorter bursts, Johanna wondered if Maxson did it on purpose. He had to know how intimidating he was. Perhaps he enjoyed seeing the reactions he got.

"No, I used all that I had. I can't afford Cade's prices. For as much as I need them, I mean. I have no resistances at all."

He was quiet for a long moment and Johanna was acutely aware of the sound of her rapid breathing. She knew Maxson could hear it too because he let his gaze fall from her eyes and scanned Johanna with some emotion that could have been concern mixed in with a clinical detachment.

"You look unhealthy," he finally said. "I'm shocked that Paladin Danse would let your condition deteriorate to this extent. Polowski, you're to ask me directly if you should need anything. You're no good to me dead."

"It's not Danse's fault," Jo objected. Her tone was too sharp and she knew it. "He expressed his concerns. I was trying to build up a resistance against the radiation."

"That's a stupid idea," Maxson replied hotly, narrowing his eyes upon hers again. "Are you trying to die of radiation poisoning? Of all the things to get you in the wasteland, that's a pretty pathetic way to go. Probably how most vault dwellers die though, if that was your goal."

They stared at each other for a few long moments, but Jo conceded defeat. As much as he made her blood boil, Johanna could not forget that she was speaking to the current leader of the Brotherhood.

"Thank you for your offer, Elder," she muttered, feeling like a rebellious child.

"You'll report to my quarters before you return to yours. I have a few bottles of Rad-X. And I'll expect you to take the medication before every meal until Captain Cade says otherwise."

"Yes, sir. I understand, sir." Jo failed to keep the sarcasm out of her voice.

To her surprise, Maxson smiled and it was so genuine that her irritation completely disappeared. "I thought the vault wanted to keep you because you were compliant?" he asked with amusement.

"Well none of the administrators ever ordered me around either," she replied quietly. "I think it will take some time to get used to."

Maxson didn't respond, but that didn't bother Johanna. His expression was much softer when he observed her again. The silence they sat in was mostly comfortable, but she couldn't escape that tightness in her chest that seemed to spread to her belly. Other than that, she was strangely relaxed, more than she could remember feeling aboard the airship. It was much easier to meet his eyes now they didn't hold all the troubles of humanity, and she held his gaze with a small smile on her lips.

Johanna found herself wishing she knew what he was thinking. She wondered if he thought she was just as much of an outsider as everyone else seemed to. If he was just using her for some ulterior motive. It was possible, she decided, even with his show of concern. Maxson was used to wearing an expressionless mask that made her observation skills useless, he could easily blur the truth or even lie to her face. She would never know what was in store for her until he was ready for her to know. The thought didn't frighten her as much as she thought it would. She was unable to explain why, but Jo couldn't deny she felt some degree of trust in Maxson. She had no evidence that he was an honest man. Nothing that suggested he actually cared about her as a person, not just another soldier. She supposed that hearing Danse talk about him so much may have done its damage after all. It certainly hadn't been the originality of his speeches.

"Does anyone ever call you Arthur?" Jo asked, forgetting about protocol once more. It was obvious her question took him by surprise. She was sad to see the furrows return to his brow as he considered this.

"No one."

"Even your friends have to call you Elder?" She joked, then she saw the truth in his eyes. Arthur Maxson didn't have friends. He probably didn't have a single soul on the Prydwen that he could confide in, since he was the last surviving member of his family.

The silence between them was suddenly uncomfortable, as Johanna had grown to expect nearly every time she spoke. Learning adequate social skills had not been her priority in the vault and it showed in almost every conversation she held. But in the previous weeks she had grown impartial to embarrassment and she held his gaze without blinking.

"An Elder of the Brotherhood of Steel doesn't have much time for socializing. If any," Maxson said, finally. He looked genuinely disinterested in the subject.

"You have time now," She replied softly. Perhaps feeling a hint of awkwardness, Johanna finally pulled her eyes away from his and let them settle on his knees. "Is it improper for me to speak to you like this?"

"Yes," he said, without hesitation.

"I'm sorry-"

"No, don't apologize," he interrupted her. "It's... refreshing. To speak with someone as an equal. I've forgotten..."

His eyes grew cloudy and unfocused and Johanna knew that he was becoming lost in his own thoughts. She let him just be, and did the same for herself. They weren't commander and soldier for a short time, just two people brought together by circumstance, each with their own reasons for another sleepless night.


	6. Chapter 6

It was almost noon when Johanna decided she would gather the courage to explore the training yard alone, for no other reason than to escape the Prydwen for a couple of hours. Anything had to be better than spending another whole day following the same schedule she had been on for weeks. At this point she could walk the Prydwen blindfolded and still accomplish all of her duties.

There were others in the training yard, but the shooting range was empty, other than one timid Initiate at the nearby reloading bench. Jo would have preferred to run the makeshift obstacle course, but she wouldn't have dared. The bright red hair of the tallest figure was hard to mistake and Johanna was instantly set on guard. Across the yard, some of the Initiates were watching Alan Murdoch and his gang running drills, so she slipped her backpack off her shoulders and claimed the closest table for her use, watching Murdoch out of the corner of her eye until he was completely behind her. He hadn't noticed her, but she knew it was only a matter of time. Vault blue was hard to miss. And then she would be subject to another of his ravings, probably the worst yet since there were absolutely no authority figures in the yard.

It might have been easier to go back to the Prydwen, but Johanna couldn't stand the idea of returning to her floating prison yet.

Really, she had been meaning to do this for weeks. She hadn't tested her salvaged hunting rifle yet and she had ammo to spare after her scavenging trips with Paladin Danse so it made perfect sense to kill some time at the firing range. She set her backpack on the table and began rummaging through pockets to find her .38 rounds, forgetting where she had put them. Her fingers brushed the medication given to her by Elder Maxson and she paused before continuing the search.

It was amazing what effects radiation could have on the human body. It wasn't until after the shot of Rad Away that Johanna realized how sick she had been. She was happy to be able to eat food and keep it down, but overjoyed that she felt strength in her body, once more. She felt good today. Taking the proper amounts of anti-radiation drugs had been enough to keep Jo from losing her breakfast and her lunch and she felt like a fool. After weeks of suffering, her cure was a single dose of Rad Away and then two Rad-X tablets before meals. It still made her feel nauseous if she thought too much about what she was eating, so Johanna tried to eat her portion of meat quickly and not to look at it too closely. She would get no fresh fruits or vegetables here, as the Hydroponics Lab had supplied to the vault. Ingesting irradiated food was a necessity and, most of the time, disgusting. Though, that irritation was minor compared to the cost of the medication she needed. Staying supplied would pose a problem, as she had realized before when she tried to purchase them. One bottle would last only five days if she ate three times a day. Elder Maxson would spend a fortune just to keep her from starving to death until she developed a tolerance for the radiation. Assuming she ever did.

Johanna wasn't quite sure what she thought of the Elder after last night. Her previous idea of him seemed impossible now. She figured he had been made hard and unfeeling as a child solider. Saw things in black and white. During her time on the Prydwen she had heard him spread furious messages of hate for synths and rally his followers into a frenzy. It wasn't uncommon for the new initiates to brag about how willingly they would follow Maxson to the gates of Hell. The Knights loved to tell stories of their Elder's heroic deeds, such as the legendary fight with a beast called a Deathclaw, when he received the ragged scar across his brow. Every member of the Brotherhood was ready to go to war, without question. Though she had never once seen Elder Maxson join his men in any of the common areas, or interact with them in any way other than occasional rallies, they adored their brute leader. While she was still unconvinced, she had to admit that last night it had seemed as if he were sincerely concerned about her. This type of empathetic behavior wasn't something she would have expected from him, based off what she had seen.

The memory was dream-like now, when Johanna tried to recall it. She had sat with Arthur in silence on the deck. She had called him _Arthur_ , spoke with him as an equal. He watched the water below while she mostly watched him, trying to imagine what troubles possessed the young leader and what was really going on in that mind of his? It wasn't until shortly after she began to shiver from the unforgiving winds that he suggested they go back inside, but she couldn't tell if it was for her benefit or not. Those eyes certainly gave nothing away. Jo followed Arthur Maxson from the deck into his quarters, a very short walk since his rooms were just inside the command deck. She watched his calm features, rather than his hands as they readied the needle, let him hold her elbow in his hand and inject her with a measured dose of Rad Away. She shivered, maybe from the medicine, though she suspected it was his warm hands on her freezing skin. The needle he had used was wide and it left a small bruise on the bend of her arm. At the time, she hadn't noticed the needle. Honestly, it was only the instant relief of her nausea that stole her attention from his eyes. He must have noticed her surprise because he didn't ask if she felt the effects, and he remained silent as he pressed the bottle of Rad-X into her hands. No words passed between them from the time they left the deck until Johanna said goodnight and the Elder responded with a curt nod of his head, stoic as always.

Thinking of last night left her stomach slightly upset, maybe because it sounded more like a dream than reality and left her confused. She couldn't rightly believe that Elder Maxson had been so gentle and kind to her. And why? Why would he care for her personally? Why not send her to Cade? But the medication was in her bag, the small bruise from the needle was dark against her pale skin and she vividly remembered the shiver from his touch. It occured to her then that Elder Maxson might be a completely different person than Arthur Maxson. Elder Maxson, he was a pretentious jerk. But, Arthur... Johanna hadn't made up her mind yet.

She wondered how often he sat on the deck at night, unable to sleep.

Would he be there tonight?

Even if she found him, what would she say?

 _Thanks for treating me like a human being._

In reality, that's all he had done. It didn't make them friends and it certainly didn't mean that Arthur Maxson wanted a destitute vault dweller following him around.

Johanna sighed and finished loading her weapon at the bench. She settled her attention on the target. It was a simple design, a short post at the end of the range with a platform. Someone had changed out the targets already, setting up a mostly intact street sign. Whoever had painted the bullseye on it had not let it dry flat, red streaks ran down the sign in several places. She guessed it was only forty yards away, an easy shot. The idea didn't bother her since she wasn't practiced with firearms. And even by Wasteland standards, the gun in her hands was clearly ancient and poorly cared for, despite all the time she had spent cleaning it. This would be her first time firing it.

Privacy would have been nice, she thought and gritted her teeth as the red haired figure in the distance finally noticed her. He was too far away for Johanna to see his eyes, but when another Knight pushed him to get his attention, she knew that she had his full attention. She watched Alan Murdoch push his friend back, so hard that the other man fell in the dirt, and she turned her full attention back to the shooting range quickly. She didn't have to look, she knew his eyes were on her. She felt his gaze and it made her skin crawl.

His interest in her was a little frightening. He hated her, obviously, but it was more than that. She was sure she recognized the look in his eyes when she caught him staring. It reminded her of how the boys in her vault used to look at Leila, who was arguably the most attractive girl of their generation. Jo had never been on the receiving end of one of those looks before, and now that she was, she was horrified. She had never envied the beautiful girls. The older boys often looked at them like they were a battle to conquer. Leila wasn't the first instance of rape among test subjects, a few of the girls revealed bruises in private places while they dressed, sometimes blood on their underpants or black eyes. Johanna had become so familiar with her fellow dwellers over the years that it was easy to tell when something was different with them, even if they weren't friends. She didn't comfort them. They wouldn't have liked it. She never realized how lucky she was to have escaped male attention until Jo found Leila in the girls bathroom one night. She would never forget the dead look in her eyes as she washed the blood from her thighs and threw her ruined underpants away. It had taken a lot of courage for Johanna to ask the girl if she was okay, and to this day she wished she hadn't.

"I'm just great," she had laughed, but her eyes were still dark. She looked crazy, standing there with no pants on, no emotion on her face. "Jacob's cock is huge." And she had flipped her long brown hair over her shoulder and left proudly, as if there wasn't a fresh line of blood running down her thigh. It was about two months later that Leila was hospitalized with influenza. They received the news of her death shortly after. Nobody questioned it out loud, but at least some of them were too smart to believe the story. Johanna wondered if any of them knew she was killed for becoming pregnant. Jacob had to have known, if he took the time to consider it. Just because he excelled in physical testing didn't mean he was stupid.

It was based off her own conclusions that Jo decided lust was completely nonsensical. The very idea of losing control to hormones would have been laughable, had she not seen the consequences for herself.

She saw Leila's lifeless eyes and she raised her rifle to the target, turned the safety off.

Those little drops of blood on the bathroom floor, in sharp contrast to the surgical cleanliness of the vault.

Her sights were lined up, but she couldn't banish the image from her head.

And then listening to the poor girl trying to vomit quietly in the bathroom every morning.

If only Johanna had devoted her time to combat training. Then... well, she wanted to believe she would have done something. If she had only been a little stronger, a little braver.

Almost as an after thought, Johanna squeezed the trigger of her rifle.

The sign was unmoving, but all she could concentrate on was how much the red paint of the bullseye looked like blood.

She muttered a curse as she realized she had missed the target completely.

It was only as she pulled the trigger again that she realized her shoulder was not sore from firing the rifle. Had there been any recoil? Had the primer even gone off?

Several things happened at once. Johanna heard an explosion, unlike any gun she had ever heard. She was given no time to react before her wrist jerked violently and the stock of the rifle slammed forcefully into her face. She watched as her broken hand let the gun fall to the ground.

 _Stupid!_ The word repeated itself inside her head, even as her eyes teared up and obscured her vision. She hadn't checked the barrel for a dud round. Hadn't even noticed that the round hadn't been ejected. If she died, Johanna thought she deserved it for her stupidity.

Her first thought when she re-acclaimed her vision was that the rifle was mostly whole. It had only cracked along the barrel, so she probably wouldn't have to worry about shrapnel. The shock of the moment was quickly fading and her injuries were becoming noticeable. She touched her working fingers to her face and brought them away covered in blood. It was hardly life threatening. The pain blossomed across the entire left side of her face, but radiated from the impact point on her cheek. The bone had probably been fractured. The skin had been broken badly and she knew she would need stitches.

When she tried to look at her wrist, black spots danced in front of her and she thought she might throw up.

A concussion.

And her wrist was so badly damaged that she might have thrown up anyways.

Johanna had never claimed to have a tolerance for pain.

"Why the fuck would you even try to fire this piece of shit?"

She could have expected it. Of all people, Alan Murdoch had arrived, just in time to make a bad situation even worse. He kicked the rifle with force that surprised Johanna and she froze and took in his expression. He actually looked angry, and his eyes were on her. She only barely registered fear in her swimming mind, couldn't summon the energy to flee if she had wanted to.

"Just a misfire," Johanna lied, knowing she would take the truth to her grave.

She remembered how Danse had scoffed when she picked up that rifle. She would never tell him what happened, not in a million years.

"You could have fucking killed someone."

"I'm sorry. Excuse me, I think I should go back to the Prydwen." She eyed her backpack for a moment, before taking in a deep inhale and moving to gather her things. "I'll just get my bag first." The blood was starting to run down her chin and streak down her neck in thick lines.

His laughter sounded wrong. It was full of contempt, not amusement. "Oh. Do you think so?"

She ignored him and clumsily used her left hand to pack loose rounds back into her backpack. Her head was throbbing in pain and she thought that she might throw up again.

"Hey," she frowned weakly as Murdoch picked up her bag and slipped it over one shoulder. That wasn't right. He wouldn't offer to help her.

"Get moving," he snapped his fingers and pointed in the direction of a vertibird.

"I don't want your help," she hissed, feeling brave as she began her futile attempts to pull her bag off of his shoulder. He only allowed this for a few seconds before he pushed her back and Johanna nearly tripped to the ground. "Hey!"

"And I don't want to be questioned for letting a dumbass scribe bleed to death in the training yard. So fucking move."

When she righted herself again, Johanna considered this. That made sense. He wasn't here to help. Maybe she couldn't trust him, but she thought she could trust his sense of self preservation.

Johanna relaxed and took a tentative step towards the vertibird.

"My rifle-"

"For fuck's sake, just walk!"

After several doses of painkillers, Johanna finally felt relaxed enough to forget the pain, to rest in a state of half conciousness, and she decided she liked the feeling.

A voice, only vaguely familiar, called from the blurry shadows, asking her to sleep, telling her she needed to rest.

It was only the voice that brought her back from the brink of a deep sleep.

The lighting was minimal, leaving dark shadows in the corners. Johanna didn't know if they were real or a side effect of her injury. She was very tired, but it seemed ridiculous to give up such a calm and happy mood for a few hours of sleep.

There were no worries. None at all. And even if the doctor, Knight Cade, if she remembered correctly, was growling whiile he tossed his medical supplies around, Jo found that it didn't bother her.

She let him stitch her cheek while she tried to understand why her mind was so blank.

By the time he started to work on her hand, Jo still hadn't managed any cohesive thoughts.

 _It's the drugs_ , she realized. No racing thoughts. No unintentional observations. The suffocation on her anxiety was completely gone.

"What did you give me?" Her voice was stronger than she had thought, but she still had to try focus her blurry eyes on the doctor.

"Med-X. Calm-X. You can sleep if you like." It sounded more like a command than a suggestion and and Jo thought that she might have screamed if she'd been able to feel upset.

"No, you don't understand! I've never been so happy." If he heard her, he paid her no mind. She fell quiet again, focused on the slow rhythm by which Cade threaded the large needle through her torn skin. "It's beautiful," she heard herself say, holding herself back from reaching out to touch the stitching. She felt nothing, not even the needle and she had the strongest feeling of being completely dissociated from her body. As if she were watching from the corner, rather than being the one in the hospital bed.

 _It's the drugs._


	7. Chapter 7

There was something going on.

No one spoke to her directly, but she noticed the hushed tones when the walls of the Prydwen usually echoed with voices.

Soldiers were lingering in the corridors to exchange drawn out conversations instead of quick greetings. No one was rushing to their usual duties today.

Jo was curious, but she dismissed the idea of finding Proctor Ingram to ask for an update in gossip. For the first time since she had boarded the Prydwen, Jo found the workshop empty of the woman's presence.

Maybe that was why it was unusually busy in the workshop today. Many of the soldiers couldn't appreciate Ingram's heartfelt sarcasm and cynical humor and avoided the place entirely. But today, every bay was in use and there were even some who were obviously loitering while others barely attempted to look busy. Johanna had arrived about an hour ago with the intention of stripping down her ruined hunting rifle for parts. Usually she would have came back later, when there were less people, but she was desperate for something to occupy her mind. She wanted to distract herself from the overwhelming feeling of shame.

Even now, days later, her cheeks warmed at the memory of spending the night in the medical bay, staring at the room in wonder. She shuddered at the things she had confessed to Cade while she was under the influence. The only thing that saved her from complete humiliation was Cade's professionalism. He never said a word about the embarrassing things she had said, so Johanna was attempting to convince herself that it never happened. So far, she was having little success and the anxiety was suffocating when she looked back on her behavior.

Almost as bad, was her uncomfortable exchange with Knight Murdoch in the medical bay. To her complete shock, he had found her the next morning and returned the rifle she had left behind in the aftermath of her "accident". His cold eyes still made Jo suppress a shudder, but he was almost polite when he brought her the gun. Maybe it was only because of the lingering presence of Proctor Cade, but he kept his gaze on the ground and Jo found his perpetual glare to be a little less menacing. She was thankful he hadn't found her alone.

"You said that you wanted this piece of shit back." He held out the rifle impatiently, eyes on the ground near Cade's feet. Even as she tried to thank him, Murdoch was stomping away with his fists clenched.

Cade looked completely indifferent to the odd exchange, and turned his attention to the gun in Johanna's hands. He proclaimed it as scrap without even touching it and took a few minutes to give a lecture on negligence. Jo tried to hide her shame and promised to have any future salvaged weapons checked out before she fired them.

It really was worthless now, but she was glad to have it anyways. Screws were in short supply in the Commonwealth and Johanna had a few great ideas on how to modify her pistol, all of which would require a lot of raw materials.

It had been well over an hour now, and Jo was keeping herself busy trying to tear apart the rusty gun as gently as she could, but it was slow progress. She wiped a bead of sweat from her forehead with her sleeve and her attention strayed to two Initiates gossiping at Bay 4.

"-Cambridge? I heard there were more than fifty ferals! And all the bitch had was a _nail gun._ "

"Bullshit!"

"I swear, Rhys said so himself. Said she's the real deal."

At the mention of Rhys' name, Johanna twisted her screwdriver a little too hard and cursed loudly in the very next moment. Her jerky actions had stripped the ancient screw she had been trying to work loose.

The Initiates fell silent at her outburst and Johanna groaned inwardly. She was going to have to ask for details herself now that her eavesdropping had become obvious.

"Excuse me, " she smiled gently, trying not to appear too overbearing. "Have you heard any news on Knight Rhys? Or any of Paladin Danse's outfit?"

Though they were obviously surprised at her boldness and didn't bother to hide the way they first focused their gaze on Jo's blue vault suit, the soldiers didn't appear hostile.

"They just returned, maybe an hour ago," the girl said. She returned a small smile, decidedly fake.

It took Jo a moment to gather her thoughts before she realized that her heart was racing with excitement, though it felt terribly similar to anxiety.

"Where can I find Danse, do you know?"

Jo pretended not to notice the obvious looks of shock on both Initiate's faces. From the recruits to the Paladins, Brotherhood soldiers were always offended when their titles were ignored. She didn't care much at the moment, but waited impatiently for the girl to collect herself and give her an answer.

"Paladin... Danse is probably reporting for his debriefing with Elder Maxson right now. We saw him heading towards the command deck only a few minutes ago."

"Oh! Well, thanks." She began shoving dismantled pieces of her rifle into her bag at top speed. "And ad victorium, to you," Jo added, feeling a rush of something in her chest that felt like satisfaction at their scandalized expressions.

She had probably just effectively burned those bridges, but Jo couldn't summon the negative energy to care. She had to force herself to walk at a normal pace as she headed to the foredeck, where both Danse's quarters and Elder Maxson's command deck were located. It was a sure bet that she would find the Paladin in one of these two places. As she paced herself, Jo wondered just how long Danse had been gone. Weeks, at least, if not two months or more. She felt the lines of her forehead tense at the thought. He and Haylen had left her alone on this forsaken ship for weeks. In hindsight, it was probably lucky that she had only broken three of her bones in that time.

Nearly at the top of the ladder that would bring her up to the foredeck, Johanna heard a voice that almost made her lose her footing.

That booming "Ad Victorium!" was unmistakable.

Even as she scrambled to her feet, the floor shook slightly with the heavy steps of Danse's power armor.

Looking no different than when she had last seen him, other than the miserable state of his armor and hygiene, Danse paused in the doorway of Maxson's command room when he saw her. The smile that spread over his face was worth the wait.

"Polowski." He shook his head, still giving her that boyish grin. "Impatient, as always."

She took a step forward towards Danse, maybe to embrace him, but stopped abruptly when a strange woman stepped out from behind the bulk of his power armor.

They stared at each other for a few long moments, both of their expressions warped in confusion.

 _She's wearing a vault suit_ , Jo realized in awe. The only difference being the golden "111" in place of Johanna's "75" and mismatched pieces of armor over her suit. She carried a strange weapon in a holster on her hip, a nail gun, the very same model Vault 75 had stored in their tool room. In addition, the beautiful woman had wrapped several layers of her "ammunition" around her hips and down one of her legs.

"You going to introduce us, Danse?"

It was the woman who spoke first, bringing Jo back to her senses. As she focused her gaze, she realized that even if she hadn't been wearing a vault suit, it was obvious that this woman was not from the Commonwealth. She was older than Johanna, but it was hard to judge exactly how much. She could have been a youthful thirty, maybe, considering her radiance. She was obviously never malnourished, easily being the tallest woman Johanna had ever seen, and she had a beautiful, healthy body with obvious feminine curves. Her skin was even paler than Johanna's and it was smooth and flawless. Her hair, that was another clue. Most women in the Commonwealth kept theirs short for hygiene or convenience and could do very little about the dull colors they were born with. Though it was messy, this woman had startlingly vivid brown hair that fell below her shoulders in loose curls. When she offered a little smile, Jo fought the urge to blink at the brightness of her perfect, white teeth. She even had access to _cosmetics_ , which had been applied generously to her eyes and lips.

Only a vault would have been able to offer the circumstances for this woman's perfect health and appearance.

"Scribe Polowski," Danse cleared his voice of emotion, all business once more. "This is our newest Initiate-"

"Nora Barber," The woman interrupted Danse, holding her hand out in a practice of greeting that would have been lost on most people of the Commonwealth. Johanna liked her immediately and didn't have to force her smile at all as she shook Nora's hand. Danse's irritation at being interrupted was as plain to see as it was amusing and it made her lips curl.

 _Was that nail polish?!_ If there had been any doubt that Nora was from another world, her perfectly manicured red fingernails put the idea to rest. Her hands were tinted with dirt, but much softer than Jo had anticipated and seemingly free of the tell tale callouses from handling weapons. She must have been even newer to the Commonwealth that Johanna had initially thought.

"Everyone knows I'm no Scribe, " Johanna bravely corrected Danse, perhaps drawing from Nora's seemingly infinite confidence. "Johanna Polowski."

"You're so young," Nora held on tightly to Jo's hand for a second longer, and her eyes became dark with emotion.

Johanna wished she understood, but found herself unable to discern the reason behind Nora's sudden anguish. What pain had Vault 111 caused her? Was she wondering the same about Jo? Did she even know about the experiments of Vault Tec or was it unrelated to the situation?

She sure wasn't going to ask in the first five minutes of meeting this poor woman and found herself at a loss for something to say as her thoughts dead ended into what she understood as socially unacceptable territory.

Danse interrupted the moment with a loud cough as he cleared his throat unnecessarily.

"We can reconvene in the mess hall. I must introduce Initiate Barber to our division leaders."

"Of course," Nora agreed and her smile returned all at once. "It was great to meet you... Scribe."

Jo grinned back in response to the charming wink Nora gave her.

"Elder Maxson requested your presence Polowski." Danse nodded his head slightly to the side, indicating the room behind, where Johanna knew Arthur Maxson to be. Her heart was suddenly loud in her ears and she became tense again.

"Why?" It only took a second to register Danse's shocked expression and she was flinched when she realized she had spoken out loud. He shook his head, indicating both that he didn't know and that it didn't matter.

"I told him to expect you promptly," was Danse's only verbal reply.

Johanna took a moment to steady herself before she had to face Arthur Maxson, but tried not to make her deep breaths obvious to the others.

She nodded soberly, excusing herself.


	8. Chapter 8

_The lights were suddenly cut off completely in the training room, leaving the children in complete darkness for the remainder of their combat simulation._

 _Johanna would have sighed in relief, but she wasn't sure where her enemy was hiding._

 _One false move could cost her. If her breath hitched and he heard... If her foot accidentally scuffed the floor..._

 _Her opponent had it out for her, but she could only blame herself._

 _She had been incredibly_ stupid _to refuse his slobbery kisses, even_ insane _when she smacked his face with her open hand._

 _She had already come to regret her actions many times in the previous month as Richie proved his superiority at every given opportunity._

 _It seemed inevitable that she would be caught and put down, but perhaps it was her simply survival instincts which made her hold her position, balancing on the balls of her feet as she kneeled behind an overturned desk and straining to listen for another presence._

 _She didn't know exactly what she would be facing, but her opponent would certainly only become more aggressive as time passed and more likely to use the most painful tactics to bring her down._

 _Rubber bullets could break bones, even the dulled knives could cut her skin. But nothing scared her more than an angry Superior, armed only with a smile._

 _Even as she shook in fear, the administrators tossed her in, told her to play on her strengths._

 _If the past years had been any indication, Johanna didn't seem to have any._

 _Stealth, they offered._

 _Her size was helpful when trying to avoid detection, but a death sentence in close range combat._

 _Even at the age of ten, Johanna understood this reality all too well and fully considered the idea of letting herself be discovered in hopes of receiving a lighter beating._

 _She had been confined to the medical bay for days after last month's simulation, and she had only lasted ten minutes against a skinny boy with mediocre scores._

 _It was all too likely that Richie Hart, three years older, one hundred pounds heavier and twice as demented, would kill her._

 _Never having made it this long inside of a combat simulation, Jo wasn't sure whether it was normal for the lights to be cut at a certain point, but she was thankful. In addition to giving maximum cover, the pitch black atmosphere allowed her to think more clearly and focus on the small noises around her._

 _As she considered revealing herself, she found him. He was no longer trying to hide and the thought created a lump in her throat._

 _Footsteps. Several rooms away, but coming closer._

 _Stealth was her only strength, her only ally._

 _After detection, she had nothing._

 _The footsteps paused and Richie's labored breathing took its place in the stillness of the room._

 _He was going to kill her for this._

As expected, Elder Maxson stood at the windows, with his hands clasped together behind his back. He did not pace the floor, but seemed to be calmly observing the scene of the Commonwealth below. Her eyes lingered on his wide shoulders and thick arms and she remarked how even such an armored coat couldn't hide the definition of his muscles.

She must have been anxious again, because Johanna felt her skin grow warm.

As she waited for him to address her, she realized that he didn't know she was there yet. Standing in his doorway, observing him. The idea was shocking, that Arthur Maxson failed to detect another's presence in his own domicile. Johanna stood completely frozen and considered him so closely that she physically felt her curiosity take foredeck was deserted now, save for the two of them, and it was so quiet that she could hear her pulse pounding loudly in her ears. Almost subconsciously, she stepped lightly into the room, but did not announce herself. If the young Elder was not already aware of her, he would likely be alerted by her movements. She took another step, the toes of her boot meeting the floor silently. Even if he couldn't hear Jo's pounding heartbeat, as she irrationally feared, a soldier like him should have been expertly trained to feel the tiny vibrations of her footsteps as she disturbed the stillness of his surroundings.

In the moment after her third step, he proved her theory to be correct, though she hadn't honestly believed for a single moment that she could have gotten close enough to surprise him. If she hadn't been watching, Johanna would have missed the minuscule angle in which he moved his head, until he could find her in his peripheral vision. She could only see a small part of his face, not enough to tell for sure whether that curve to his lips had been a smile or not.

He found her.

"Elder Maxson." She felt a little embarrassed now that she had been caught. It suddenly seemed juvenile to try to sneak up on the Brotherhood's leader and Jo did her best to suppress a blush.

He turned to her- a calculated movement, as was the extra second it took him to focus his eyes on her.

"Scribe Polowski," he nodded in greeting, his face blank of emotion.

She hoped that meant he was going to pretend that she hadn't just tried to stalk him.

It had only been a few days since she had sat with him on the outer deck, but she had already spent a considerable amount of time worrying about how she should behave for their next meeting. She felt that the time had obviously been wasted. It had only taken her seconds to destroy any hope she had of leaving a good impression on him.

Jo was thankful that he had to courtesy to pretend not to acknowledge her embarrassment. It allowed her to recover enough to focus on his gaze. She couldn't stop the smile that stretched her lips uncomfortably.

When Danse had told her that Elder Maxson had asked for her, it was clear that she was meeting with the dedicated figurehead of the Brotherhood who intimidated her with his mere presence. She had been prepared for his harsh intensity and left herself vulnerable to shock in a different form. She hadn't expected to find traces of Arthur as well. The young man who carried the weight of the world on his shoulders was there, buried under layers of pride and commitment to his faction. It was strangely easy to see, now that she knew what to look for. His careful mask was under strain, especially the muscles around his mouth, which was an obvious sign of concealment that she had mistaken for stress. He stood before her, a proud leader in front of his subordinate, but he could not hide the raw emotion in his eyes or what they showed her. Even as her pulse quickened, Johanna could not look away from those eyes. Their intensity had been confusing, but she thought maybe she understood a little. She too had been raised in a clinical environment and had not been taught how to express herself to another human being.

As if he were aware of Johanna's preoccupation, Maxson let his gaze fall for a moment. It was long enough for her to break free.

"I found a very interesting report on my desk this morning," he began with that practiced detachment. "Is there anything you wish to tell me, Scribe?"

If she had been on edge before, his question pushed her over it. She knew which report he was referring to. If it concerned her, it could only be Cade's summary of her treatment in the medical bay.

"Nothing you don't already know. Sir." She spoke before she considered her options and was left to wish that she could take back her words. How they sounded out loud! What scared her the most was the shock that flickered across his usually stoic features.

She had managed to surprise the Elder after all, with her defensive tone and borderline insubordinate response. What price would she pay for the unintentional quip? Jo bit her cheeks to hold back her apology because she was afraid she would make an even bigger fool of herself. She watched Maxson recover his stony expression, more quickly than she would have expected, and clear his throat.

"Captain Cade was very descriptive in his report," he began, "But I'd like to hear the details from you. Before I strip you of your rank."

With those words, Johanna's mouth became very dry. Her chest ached, maybe from the repetitive pounding of her heart against it. She thought it might explode at any second.

There was no reason to deny it. She felt sick at the thought of leaving the Brotherhood. Wondered if they would take her to a settlement, or simply throw her from the deck. If a ghoul would make her its meal while she lost hers from radiation sickness. Or maybe a super mutant would take her when she chose the wrong building to scavenge for supplies. Worst of all, she imagined what a raider gang would do to her before they killed her. Danse had described, in graphic detail, their methods of decorating their claims.

Danse's face appeared in her mind, red with shame and humiliation. After everything he had done for her...

Jo could have sworn her heart stopped at that moment and she felt rage swell inside her like she had never felt before, until an unexpected sound made her stop cold.

 _He was laughing at her._

Really laughing, as if she had just told him a funny joke. His eyes even slipped shut for a few moments when he brought his hand up to cover half his face and his chest was heaving with effort as he tired to contain his mirth.

She stared, not comprehending.

"I'm sorry.. so sorry..." A strangers voice came out of Arthur Maxson's mouth, one much less fierce and commanding when shaking with laughter.

It would have been endearing, but then the truth clicked in Johanna's mind.

"You... Why would you... I really thought..."

Her panicked stutters seemed to force Arthur to tone it down, he cleared his voice with a rough cough and the smile slipped right off his face.

"It was a terrible joke, by all accounts." His voice was perfectly even and controlled.

"You fucking think so?" She was frightened beyond caring. Despite recognizing it as a joke, Johanna's vision clouded with fear and a haze that wouldn't fade, no matter how many times she blinked. Her stomach was suddenly churning, but it was not nearly as uncomfortable as her racing heart. Her eyes narrowed in on him with a deadly glare and she crossed her arms over her chest just to control her desire to cut off his air supply until he choked.

"I'm sorry, Scribe." His apology had that perfect detachment he expressed so well and she hated it.

She ignored him, instead she chewed on her lower lip in anger and concentrated very hard on the idea that he might kill her if she attacked him. He was twice her size and she was unarmed.

He would kill her. She repeated the words to herself.

"Johanna." It wasn't her name that did it. Though an unnatural occurrence, hearing her name come from his lips didn't fix anything. It was the emotion with which he spoke. Jo knew it intimately- regret. She heard it in her own voice every time she messed up small talk, every time someone gave her a look of embarrassment or pity. She saw it in her reflection every time she caught sight of her blue jumpsuit.

The red haze cleared from her vision and suddenly she felt tired. Her eyelids were heavy as she raised her focus from the fatal pressure points on his neck to meet his gaze again.

She wasn't so lost in them this time and she was glad.

"I didn't..." He trailed off, shaking his head slightly. With his eyes full of apologies, Arthur took a step towards her, but didn't close the gap with another.

Johanna thought they were more alike than she had realized.

"I wouldn't have survived." She didn't elaborate, he didn't ask, but she thought he understood.

"You'll always have the Brotherhood behind you." While the words were of little comfort, Johanna loved the emotion with which he said them and a weary smile returned to her lips. She didn't respond and Arthur wasted no time in filling the silence."I was only going to ask for your thoughts on your readiness for a field mission. I was concerned after hearing about your accident."

"Can we do this another time, Arthur?" His name passed her lips in a whisper, and she wasn't sure if it was because she knew it was wrong or because that's all she could manage in her overwhelmingly tired state.

His jaw was clenched when he gave a nod of agreement.

"Rest well..."

She wasn't sure, but she thought she heard her name in a soft whisper as she reached the door. She looked back to give Arthur one last smile, hoping that she could communicate to him the words she couldn't say.


	9. Chapter 9

Johanna had left Boston Airport with Danse plenty of times, but never far enough to require a vertibird for travel.

Her heart was fluttering with excitement and wonder as she tried to see past Nora, who couldn't help but to block the view with the hulking frame of her newly assigned power armor. She stood by the open doors, opposite Danse, amiably offering details about the state of "Sanctuary", which appeared to be a pre-war neighborhood that was mostly intact and now a thriving settlement.

Johanna kept herself attuned to the conversation but didn't comment. In all honesty, their destination didn't matter. She was happy to be away from the Prydwen and its hostile inhabitants.

It felt like her heart was getting lighter with every mile put between her and her floating prison... despite the circumstances. That she was promoted and assigned to Danse's field team was due to unfortunate conditions. Knight Ricci had been killed while the team tried to defend the police station from feral ghouls. The casualties were minimal, with Ricci being the only death. Though Rhys had received a flesh wound, he was back on his feet and scowling from the seat opposite of Jo.

Whenever prompted about the subject, Danse insisted that the team only won the fight because of Nora. The strange vault dweller had near perfect aim with any gun given to her, including the now infamous nail gun which she had indeed taken from her vault before leaving.

Nora left the nail gun behind today, in favor of a weapon with a little more power. Jo recognized it as Danse's modified laser rifle, the one he called Righteous Authority.

Johanna was taking Haylen's place as a field scribe during her absence. Haylen, who was also the team medic, had been temporarily assigned to desk duty- "Until she gets her head clear," Danse had said.

Though she hadn't seen or spoken to Haylen upon her return, Johanna knew enough about the girl to assume she was grieving for her friend. She was a very sentimental person, that much was obvious.

Jo wondered if Haylen would feel the same way if _she_ died. Would anyone grieve for her? She started to think of somebody that she had truly bonded with, but it was difficult.

An image of Arthur Maxson appeared, unbidden by every logical part of her brain.

She shook it away, fearful that she was becoming too emotional, and far too attached to someone who saw her only as a soldier. The fluttering feeling in her gut was making her queasy.

The logical part of her suddenly put a different thought in her head, one that saw just how alone she was in this forsaken wasteland.

She eyed Danse, who was still listening to Nora with unguarded emotion in his eyes. It was strange to see him so open with this woman, and it made Jo feel slightly dejected. The smile on his face was natural and she wished that she could have a shared bond with him, as Nora did.

She allowed herself a moment of self loathing and wished for someone that _she_ could smile with. Someone that cared enough about her to miss her when she was gone. She hated her lack of social skills, her complete inability to make connections with others.

"There it is." Nora's voice was robotic behind the mask of her power armor, but Johanna detected a hint of excitement in her voice.

"Nice work, initiate," Danse praised Nora with a warm tone that Jo had never heard him use before. He had put his helmet over his face and she wondered if he was still smiling underneath it.

Johanna stood and carefully moved closer to the open side of the aircraft as the pilot brought them lower.

Sanctuary was a thriving settlement, indeed. She saw colorful houses in the distance and to her delight, there were large open areas where crops grew. She recognized some- corn, grain, melons. She was excited at the the prospect of testing their soil and crops for radiation, though their business in Sanctuary was not scientific.

They were on a mission to work out trade deals with nearby settlements. The Brotherhood needed food for its soldiers and Elder Maxson had sent Danse's team to aquire the goods. The paladin had briefed them in his grave tone, explaining that failure was not an option.

Johanna knew the Brotherhood's motto well. _Ad victorium._ To victory. Anything less was not acceptable.

The pilot began landing his aircraft gently on a grassy plain, Danse and Nora jumped from the machine before it hit the ground. Without the aid of power armor, Jo waited until it came to a complete stop before following, Rhys on her heels. She followed Danse and Nora as they walked across a mostly destroyed wooden bridge to the prewar cul-de-sac that was called Sanctuary, then and now.

The place was amazing and Jo wasn't sure where to look first. Not only had most of the homes survived, the people looked well fed and happy as they farmed their crops. There was a large pen with brahmin grazing inside. Everywhere she looked were settlers bustling with a sense of purpose. There was even an old Mister Handy among them, using its tools to cut stalks of razorgrain.

Most amazingly, the telling glow of artificial light came out of all the windows, bright enough to illuminate the words painted on the siding of each house. They said things such as _Common House A, Bath House,_ or _Market._

One building even claimed to be a schoolhouse. Johanna watched in astonishment as six children climbed over the jungle gym of its playground. An assultron watched over the children, calling them back into the building for class.

As much as she wanted to explore the area, Jo sadly followed Danse and Nora into the home across from the school. It had no painted label against the siding, but there was a prewar "No Trespassing" sign nailed to a bright red door. Nora opened it with no hesitation.

"Make yourselves at home," she called, gesturing around them as she threw her helmet onto the couch. Jo found herself wondering how the other vault dweller had come to have her own fully furnished home in this settlement.

By the looks of it, Nora had only lived there for a short while. It was clean, but there were no personal items or decorations, save for a folded American flag and a law degree from pre war days, both encased in glass and displayed on built in shelving.

As her eyes passed over the picture frame, Jo stopped walking in her tracks.

"Damn it, Polowski," Rhys complained as he ran into her from behind. He shot her a glare and Johanna blushed, hurriedly moving out of his way with a mumbled apology.

Though an old certificate would usually not catch her attention, Jo was absurdly curious about how Initiate Nora Barber had managed to get a law degree in 2077, over two hundred years ago. She also noted the name on the encasing of the American flag- Nathaniel Barber. A husband? A brother? There was no additional information.

Though Nora had seen her looking at the two items, she did not comment. In turn, Jo promised herself she would wait until they were alone before she posed any questions of Nora's identity.

"The town sheriff will be the one I need to find, okay? Just... stay here." Though she spoke to all of them, Nora trained her eyes on Danse. In that moment, as she saw the displeasure and anxiety cross both faces, Jo realized just how close they were. Maybe they didn't even know it yet, but the scientist in Johanna recognized attraction when she saw it. They were crazy for each other.

"Initiate, if you need additional support... " There was slight blush to his cheeks as Danse found himself at a loss for words. He was saved by Nora, who chimed in brightly that the town had a Deathclaw sentry and she would be perfectly safe.

Nora stood still for a few moments, taking in the shock on their faces and looking serious as ever, before she finally burst into laughter.

"Oh, you should see your faces!" She had a light, airy laugh that broke the tension in the room. The team smiled back at her with half grins. "Seriously though... I'd keep your distance, he's always hungry."

Still laughing, Nora was out the door before anyone could comprehend her parting words.

xxx

As nice as it was, Johanna was not content to hide in Nora's house and watch the activity pass by the windows. It was because of this that she found herself doing something she normally wouldn't have done- climbing out a window in the back bedroom while Danse stood guard over the exits in the living room. He had backed up Nora and insisted they wait for her to return inside.

Jo didn't even feel bad about it when she vaulted out the window.

A farmer who was working in the yard of a neighboring house was watching her closely by the time both of her feet hit the dirt. Jo might have said something to him so that he didn't think she was a prowler, but she spotted the rows of fruit trees that held fruit she had neither seen nor heard of before.

Becoming excited at the possibility of a new species, Jo dashed over to the grove of fruit trees that was Nora's back yard. After entering the correct code for an in depth examination of the plant, Jo took the diagnostic tool of her Pip Boy and inserted the needle into the strange purple fruit.

Her Geiger counter clicked its warning and Jo felt her excitement dissipate slightly. Though reading low, the fruit seemed to have a natural radiation. Frowning, the girl wiped the sensor on her pants before kneeling to stick it in the dirt. The readout was the same as the fruit on the tree.

It was a good thing the Brotherhood was as not nearly as picky about food as she was.

"What are you doing?"

Startled, Jo jumped to her feet and yelped.

"You scared me," she said breathlessly. It was the farmer from next door and he was staring at Johanna with a frown.

"You came in with Nora."

"Yes," she nodded as if her bright orange jumpsuit left any doubts.

The farmer was a young man, less than ten years older than herself. His skin was a deep olive and he was quite good looking for someone that had been exposed to radiation since birth.

"I'm Johanna," she said tentatively. "I'm a... scientist." Something told her the word _scribe_ would fall on deaf ears.

"I see. That's why you think you have a right to poke holes in our crops?" If it wasn't for his easy smile, Jo would have thought he was serious.

She smiled back sheepishly, though she told herself that she shouldn't be ashamed of her scholarly pursuits. There were not enough educators left in the world.

"Can you tell me- is all of the food you grow here irradiated?"

Her question took him by surprise, but not for the reason she thought it would.

"Where did you grow up, under a rock? Of course it is. The dirt's all irradiated, isn't it?"

Jo couldn't help but to laugh. She'd assumed the farmer would be simple, and then he goes and makes _her_ look like a fool. She was forced to stifle her laughter before Danse heard the sound and came to investigate.

"I have a few more questions. Do you have a couple minutes, Mr...?"

"It's Tucker. None of that mister bullshit, alright?"

"Fair enough." She began to question him about the cultivation of the mutfruit trees, but quickly moved on to other subjects when she realized that this man could answer almost every question she had about the Commonwealth, not only on food and farming, but geography of the Wasteland as well.

Being a veteran of the wastes, he helped her mark several more settlements on her Pip Boy, most notably Fenway Park, which now housed Diamond City-a place even larger than Sanctuary.

"So... you come from that vault up there too?"

Johanna followed the nod of his head past the neighborhood homes and into the trees. A large hill kept the vault hidden from view. Nora's vault.

"No, mine is miles from here... Is it really so obvious? Do I stand out?"

"Like a sore thumb," Tucker agreed. "Your lot is always so pale. And I never met anyone who didn't know about radiation in the food."

"Good point."

Johanna suddenly realized that she was holding a normal conversation with a stranger. Whether it was because of her curiosity or his easygoing nature, she couldn't say for sure.

"If you're not busy... " Jo began, glancing longingly at the bustling settlement around her. "Well I'm new around here, I could use some directions around town."


	10. Chapter 10

The town of Sanctuary was amazing in every way. Johanna's head whipped around in every direction, startled by the advances in technology that a poor group of farmers had created. There was a power grid that ran electricity to all the buildings. Running water, though slightly irradiated, was available in most homes. And apparently, Nora had not been joking about having a Deathclaw guardian.

Having never seen the creature before, Jo was hiding behind one of the homes and peeking around the corner to get a better look. It was ugly, with the face and teeth of a monster, and must have been eight feet tall. She thought the creature was aptly named, as its claws were easily six inches long and they certainly looked deadly. If memory served, this was the legendary beast that scarred Arthur Maxson's face.

She didn't understand why the creature wasn't attacking the settlement and she made a note in her head to ask Nora about it. Though it seemed tame, Jo thought that it could easily take out the entire settlement if it wished. If it had been up to her, the risk of such casualties wouldn't have been taken.

Watching the Deathclaw stomp around instilled a fear inside Johanna that she couldn't conquer. It was with an uneasy sigh that Jo backed away, putting more distance between her and the monster.

She found herself in front of an entire building devoted to the market. For some reason, she was almost as afraid of entering the building than she was of watching the Deathclaw. Her lack of social skills had always made interactions with others somewhat of an uncomfortable experience.

Jo stood in front of the house, reading the red paint that proclaimed the building as the _Marketplace._ Settlers were rushing past, barely paying attention to the strange girl standing in the middle of the sidewalk.

Digging deeply for her bravery, Jo took in a deep breath and pushed the ancient door open.

The first room, the kitchen that was converted into a shop, was filled to the brim with ancient objects that she had only read about, in addition to the normal things like ammunition and armored clothing. The merchant gave her a huge smile, perhaps knowing that Jo wasn't from the wastes.

"Welcome," the woman said cheerfully. "Can I help you find anything?"

"No thank you... do you accept trade, or is your establishment cash only?"

"I'll accept whatever type of payment you have," the woman said with a knowing smile. "Most traders up here do." It seemed Johanna couldn't help but to advertise her origins.

It took a few minutes for Johanna to dig through her backpack for the .38 rounds that she no longer had use for. In addition, she threw the stacks of pre-war money stolen from her vault onto the counter.

The woman gave her a fair price for the items- fifty caps, which she then used to pay for a baseball cap and a box of 10mm bullets for her pistol. The prices were considerably lower than the Brotherhood's quartermasters'.

Grinning, Jo pulled on her new baseball cap, carefully threading her braid through the back. Honestly, the harsh sun bothered her more than she cared to admit. It made her eyes hurt, and she was always incredibly tired after spending time in direct sunlight. The bill of the cap gave her eyes instant relief.

Johanna thanked the woman and headed down the hall, where one of the bedrooms bragged to house a blacksmith.

Without any sufficient amount of caps, Jo couldn't do much more than browse and compliment the merchant on the professional cleanliness of his stock. She admired a semi automatic 10mm with longing, not daring to ask the price.

The second bedroom was set up as an infirmary, complete with hospital beds. Jo did not linger, but jokingly asked the doctor where to get a stiff drink. To her surprise, she was directed to Sturges' Bar and Hotel, located at the farthest end of the cul-de-sac by the big tree.

"Thank you, " she mumbled, backing out of the door. As was her luck, Johanna ran into something very solid. The apology died on her lips as she spun around and caught sight of Danse, looking more angry than she had ever seen him. Jo was hardly surprised; she had never directly disobeyed an order before.

"Polowski…"

She waited for him to continue, but he only rubbed his eyelids wearily.

"I'm sorry, Danse."

Honestly, she wasn't sorry in the least. Not after being confined to the Prydwen for months, without a single soul to talk to. He seemed to sense that her apology was less than sincere and waved her off.

"Back to the vertibird," he grunted out. "Our business here is complete."

"Already?" Johanna's voice was dangerously close to a whine. One glare from Danse and she closed her mouth, clearing her throat. "Yes, sir," she mumbled, following him out of the building.

xxx

The ride back to the Prydwen was silent. Not even Nora could coax a response from Danse. He seemed determined to stay mad at Jo, shooting her some angry expressions that would give Rhys a run for his money.

Not even the success of their first trade deal put the Paladin at ease.

Johanna hated the tense environment, though she was wise enough to keep her mouth shut. In theory, the sooner he forgot, the sooner he would move on.

Climbing down to the flight deck was a relief for Jo after all the time she was crammed into the tiny plane. Sanctuary was probably only ten miles away, but it felt like they had been gone all afternoon. The sun was low in the sky, giving credit to her claim.

"Polowski, with me." When Danse finally spoke, he sounded cold and professional. Jo felt her heart sink as she wondered, not for the first time, if her rash decision required disciplinary action.

Looking back now, she considered her defense as she followed Danse inside the ship. Jo had not technically disobeyed direct orders when the paladin had ordered the team to wait inside... he hadn't technically told her not to go outside, though it had been implied.

Johanna wondered briefly what shade of red Danse would turn if she spoke her ridiculous defense aloud.

Paladin Danse stopped just inside the door of the foredeck, leaving Jo to shut the door behind them before she forced her eyes up to meet Danse's. He looked more disappointed than anything and Jo felt yet more tension in her chest.

"Scribe... Polowski... Your impulsive behavior is going to get you killed someday."

"I'm sorry, Paladin." She spoke formally, unable to judge his mood.

"That's not always good enough," he argued, slightly red in the face. "We were honestly worried about you today. Did you _see_ the Deathclaw they let roam around?! Not to mention that the place is crawling with ghouls."

"Yes, I saw," she replied quietly, deciding not to mention that she had studied the Deathclaw for a good ten minutes.

"Maybe you don't understand an order I give. _Follow it anyways._ You have no idea... if Elder Maxson finds out what you did-"

"Please. Enlighten me, Paladin Danse."

The two of them turned their heads, finding Elder Maxson himself standing at the top of the stairs with a frown on his lined face.

While her heart fluttered at the sight of the young Elder, a lump formed in her throat at the thought of what Arthur would have to say about her disobedience.

"Sir," Danse exclaimed, saluting his superior officer. "The situation is under control. I was just speaking with Polowski about an incident that occurred in the field."

Jo knew that Maxson wouldn't leave it there, but she made a mental note to thank Danse for the attempt.

"What incident?"

"We were told to wait inside-" Johanna spoke before Danse had the chance. "I wanted to see the town, so I did."

They were all quiet for a few moments and Jo wrung her hands with anxiety.

"I see. Paladin, I should like to speak to Scribe Polowski alone."


	11. Chapter 11

Johanna hated the openness of the viewing deck, if she was honest. The windows that made up most of the walls in the room looked out onto the whole city and she felt terribly exposed as she waited for Arthur's judgement. He paced wordlessly, leaving her anxiety to wreak havoc on her body and mind.

Though sneaking out to see the wonders of Sanctuary had seemed like a good idea at the time, the Brotherhood hierarchy would see her actions as insubordinant, as she had basically refused to obey a command from a senior officer.

Her breath hitched when Arthur finally turned to face her, his icy blue eyes lacking their usual coldness.

Jo much preferred this Arthur, the real one, as he allowed her to see the emotions he was experiencing so clearly behind those eyes. In that moment, she breathed a sigh of relief, thankful that she wouldn't have to face the full wrath of Elder Maxson. It was just Arthur, the lonely boy who had been forced to grow up too fast.

She was surprised to see the confusion, as Arthur was usually so sure of himself, to the point of arrogance. Now, he watched her almost wearily rubbing his temples as if to confirm his indecision.

"Am I out?" It comes out of her lips in a whisper as she stared into his intoxicating eyes.

His responding laugh did not comfort her.

"I knew you were going to be difficult..." He admits, running a hand through his hair. "Sit," he commands in an authorative tone. Jo obeyed readily, sitting in the chair he motioned to with no hesitation.

When he didn't speak, Johanna filled the silence, feeling as if she could explain, to make him understand...

"I've hardly seen the world, you know. My vault was home for eighteen years... The settlement we visited was amazing. I don't regret it." Jo watched Arthur carefully for his reaction, hoping not to bring out the cold and calculating leader that dwelled inside the young man.

"You put yourself and your team in danger," he replied, crossing his arms across his chest. She couldn't help but to bow her head, knowing he spoke the truth. No matter how she justified her actions, in the end it was about breaking protocol. "I was obviously mistaken about your readiness for field missions."

"No!" Momentarily forgetting herself, Johanna cried out in protest. "I could learn so much! You should be trying to make use of the technology created by these settlers. I-I could help you."

"Is that so?"

"They have electricity- a constant supply for the whole town. If I could get a look at their set up, maybe we wouldn't have blackouts on the Prydwen anymore." Her voice was soft again as she realized who it was that she was speaking to. If Danse had been present, he probably would have fainted in shock of her outburst.

Don't speak unless spoken to, that had been his advice that she had basically trampled over.

"I can't let you endanger your team," he spoke with a hint of regret, one that was deeply seeded, too far to reach with her pleas. "I'm sorry Polowski."

She stood suddenly, feeling a strange flutter in her chest that forced her up to action.

"You're making a mistake," she said it without malice, simply stating a fact. "I could help the Brotherhood so much, but you're going to keep me here- floating on this damned ship for the rest of my life?"

The curse felt unnatural on her lips and her cheeks reddened.

"Two weeks," he said, with no further explanation. Johanna took a moment to consider his words. Perhaps he would only put her on a temporary leave. She drew in a deep breath, unable to draw in enough air as she faced Arthur's full height.

One corner of his mouth lifted in a smirk. He reached out and tapped the bill of her baseball cap.

"This isn't regulation," he said softly.

Johanna wondered for a moment, deciding how to best proceed.

"I guess I won't be needing it now," she muttered, pulling the cap off her head and throwing her braid back over her shoulder.

His lips were still pulled into that half smile, even as he reached to take to cap that she offered to him.

"You won't even miss it. I'm going to keep you very busy for the next few weeks."


	12. Chapter 12

In retrospect, Johanna decided that Elder Maxson had not let her off easy at all.

For the past twelve days she had been hunched over Maxson's ancient terminal, decoding a single holodisk that contained hundreds of terabytes of data.

He had put her back on desk duty after the recent trip to Sanctuary, and though she thought it would be an easy punishment, the task was grating at her nerves for several reasons.

The computers' processors were even more ancient than the tech she had worked with in her vault and the program worked at a glacial pace that set Johanna on edge. She was in the process of creating files that would eventually become organized by subject and accessible by keyword entry. The hardest part of her assignment was waiting for the program she created to run its course. While she waited, Jo read documents that had been decoded the previous day and tried to decide what subject to file it under.

It was an extremely time consuming task and Johanna had decided not to tell Arthur that it would take much longer than first estimated to finish sorting through the data.

Another source of stress was the actual content of the files. At first, Johanna had been sure that Elder Maxson was playing a joke on her. The documents were immensely varied in format and subject, but many had one thing in common- the synthetic beings created in a science lab that were made to imitate humans in every visible aspect. Within the laws of the "Institute", these beings were seen solely as property and were therefore deemed disposable resources. They were commonly used for hard labor or reconnaissance in the Commonwealth. The sheer number of these machines claimed to have been manufactured was astounding and growing at an exponential rate if she had done the calculations on her spreadsheets correctly.

As if this had not been hard enough to believe as fact, some of the most surprising of the data came in the form of a file that detailed resource usage. The file was huge and Jo wondered how far back the data had been recorded. By her estimation, it could have dated back to the years around the war of 2077.

Everything was meticulously documented and seemed legitimate, though also fictitious when Jo considered the current state of the world. Outside of a vault, it was extremely unlikely that anyone had managed to survive without the constant reminder of nuclear destruction, though the Institute claimed to have clean drinking water. Enough crops for a steady supply of radiation free rations. Electricity that ran on a pre-war nuclear reactor. Near the bottom of one page, it was noted that Room 10C had requested the acquisition of a hospital bed for its tenant.

She had laughed out loud and stared at the screen in disbelief.

The "holodisk project", as she had generically dubbed it after Maxson refused it a title, was often difficult to comprehend. The technology described in the documents did not exist any longer- of that, Johanna had been certain. With every new file that was dycrypted, Jo was sure she was wasting her time. The scientist inside of her was intrigued by the Institute's claims, though every rational part of her brain insisted the files were pure science fiction, even after Arthur assured her that the Institute was very real and the information had come from a reliable source.

Despite Arthur's reassurances, every once in a while she would read something that just struck her as funny, living in post-apocolytic Boston. She would often find herself laughing outloud in Elder Maxson's deserted quarters, wishing for someone to share the joke with. Someone who saw just how impossible it was for a scientific faction of this magnitude to exist in the Commonwealth. One which boasted the resources to be fully self sustaining and the technology to create an army of mechanical soldiers.

It was a ridiculous notion, and Johanna had voiced her opinions to Arthur several times. He had dismissed her concerns with a wave of his hand, seemingly impatient with any line of questioning concerning the validity of the holodisk. It made her absurdly curious about his motives and what kind of information he was searching for.

When Johanna heard the metal door screech open behind her, she decided to try a different tactic to get information out of the young Elder.

Elder Maxson entered, holding a lunch tray in one hand. He had been bringing her lunch to his quarters for the past few days, as Jo was so often caught up in reading that she forgot to go to meal times.

"Is that..."

Forgetting her questions about the Institute, Jo stared at the tray with a smile on her lips.

"Purified water. I thought you'd be appreciative." The corner of Arthur's lip curled upwards into a half grin. "Though I'm afraid the meal itself does contain radiation. Come take a break," he ordered, sounding like the imposing leader she was becoming more familiar with as the days passed by. She wouldn't deny that she was beginning to appreciate Arthur as more than just the figurehead of the Brotherhood.

With a few taps on the keyboard, Jo added a few more files to the que for dycrption so that they might be done by the time she finished her lunch. Only then did she stand up, gasping a little as a sharp pain shot up her spine. Leaning over the computer for extended periods was creating a constant ache in her lower back.

"Thank you. Sir." Johanna smiled at him, despite the pain. She was honestly surprised to see the bottle of clear water on the tray, as it had been weeks since she had last ingested anything that was rad-free.

"Take these." He nodded, perhaps in return of her thanks, and dumped two Rad-X into her palm from a bottle he kept at the small table used for eating.

She accepted without hesitation, having decided not to argue with him about her anti-radiation medications as it would do no good. He would refuse to hear her concerns or to discuss repayment for the expenses.

She swallowed the pills with a gulp of tepid water, almost moaning at the taste of minerals the water left on her tongue. It was a far cry from the murky, iodine treated water she was used to.

"This is amazing, thank you again," she muttered, wiping the corner of her mouth with her thumb. Arthur stood very still, motioning for her to take a seat and begin on her meal. In that moment she noticed that the tray consisted of a flatbread made of razorgrain and a variety of produce that must have been acquired from Sanctuary. He had noticed her distaste for meat over the past few days and appeared to have brought her a custom plate.

She wanted to thank him again as she realized just how thoughtful he had been. It was out of fear of sounding redundant that she kept her lips tightly sealed.

"Perhaps you could eat a full meal today, as repayment. You still look much too small and frail."

Johanna took her seat, unable to believe her luck. She gave Arthur her brightest smile and tore off a chunk of bread with her fingers.

He looked like his usual grandiose self, leather jacket stretched taut across impressive muscles, jaw set and a serious expression across his features, but the wrinkles in his forehead seemed much more pronounced as he watched her slowly chew.

Jo felt her stomach flutter lightly as she met his eyes, somewhat embarrassed by his attention.

"Actually, I have regained the weight I've lost since leaving my vault. I currently have a very healthy BMI." She reassured him, thinking of how she had suffered without the medication he was providing. How he still showed concern for her well being. She fought to stay silent, so that she would not make a fool of herself by fumbling over her words.

"You could stand to put some more weight on," Maxson replied, his eyes running over her body. Though she saw only a clinical interest in them, Jo felt her cheeks warm with his intrusive gaze.

"I-I have always been unable to surpass certain proportions. An imposition I can only blame on my genetics. Not every experiment in the vault was a success."

They were both silent for a long moment, Johanna watching her reflection in the pupil of Arthur's eyes. He stood over her with a blank expression, his gaze locked on hers.

She could have kicked herself for ruining a perfectly normal conversation with the mention of her unusual origins. She had long ago learned that it made others uncomfortable and she offered Arthur a small smile while wishing she knew what he was thinking. Unreadable as always, his demeanor gave her no clues.

"I'm sorry, I have not acheived much success with normal social interactions," she admitted for lack of anything better to say. "Perhaps that's the main reason why I have no close relationships. It's hard to relate to someone who was conceived in a test tube."

Though slight, the shift of his facial muscles suggested pity.

She startled slightly upon feeling a brush of weight against her skin, before realizing that Arthur had closed his hand over top of her own. She looked down at their connected hands, wincing slightly as she realized that she had messed up their conversation so badly that he felt he had to comfort her.

"It's not that bad," she blurted out, her hand twitching nervously under his huge palm. Her heartbeat began to quicken, uncomfortable with the unusual contact from the stoic Elder. His skin was rough against her own soft flesh and it brought his touch to her full attention.

"Perhaps it's you that can't relate," Maxson suggested, surprising her with his blunt words. "You're incredibly intelligent. I can't imagine that many on this ship could offer you a stimulating conversation."

Johanna chewed her lip nervously, still hyper aware of the feel of his calloused hand on her own.

"That is untrue," she replied, shaking her head minutely. "You make me sound like some sort of elitist with a superiority complex. Everyone has some measure of intelligence to share. It's simply that they prefer not to share it with me."

Jo was surprised when he smiled, seemingly unbothered by her indignant tone.

"You are rather intimidating. My men may claim to be fearless, but I can assure you they wouldn't know what to do when you start talking about the half life of radioactive isotopes in your lunch."

Johanna was already blushing, still ready to argue further, but paused and looked down at her hand where Arthur had begun to rub his thumb in circles over her fingers. She looked back to his eyes, her own widening with shock. Was he still attempting to comfort her?

"I never understand what you're talking about," Maxson continued, squeezing her hand lightly, "but you don't deserve to be so isolated. I'll speak to Neriah about assigning you some duties on the upper deck. It will be good for you."

"Oh. But Arthur- sir. What about decoding the holodisk?" She glanced back towards his terminal, feeling dejected at the thought of being replaced and pushed into the science labs with Neriah as her direct superior.

Arthur stiffened at the mention of the holodisk, finally removing his hand from hers.

"I'll be having Proctor Quinlan take over after today. I understand the task is an enormous undertaking, I would never ask you to complete it on your own."

"I was under the assumption that I would be working on the project until completion. Have I... has my work been unsatisfactory?"

"Not at all," he assured her with a smile she was certain was forced. "The program you created works amazingly well and I believe your talents are now being wasted. Wouldn't you enjoy working in biological development alongside those with similar interests?"

Feeling as though she could not be truthful, Jo pressed her lips together and remained silent for a long moment. Being direct would be much easier.

"Is this to be on a permanant basis?"

"Polowski..." Maxson sighed, running a hand through his dark beard, almost tiredly. "I'm not the only one that has noticed you haven't developed any personal connections. It's an integral part of being in the Brotherhood, sharing a bond between soldiers. Where else can I place you so that you might find common ground with another soul on this ship?"

Jo felt her stomach flutter with anxiety at the thought of being thrown into the provernial lions' den that was Neriah's lab. Maxson thought he was doing her a favor, but that couldn't have been farther from the truth.

"I don't want to be stuck on this ship with all these hateful stares," she quipped, surprising even herself, yet she did not stop there. "You asked of my readiness for field missions and I can assure you that I am ready. I thought this desk duty was supposed to be temporary?"

Maxson still looked genuinely surprised.

"That's really what you want? To be a field scribe?"

"It is. I think I've had enough of biological development for a lifetime."

"I see." But she could tell that he didn't, not really. He was surprised, perhaps by her audacity to speak to him in such a manner, though Johanna believed he respected her straightforward mannerisms.

"I apologized for my disobedience in Sanctuary. Please don't send me to the science labs." She managed to speak clearly, though her tone held a slight quiver. He lifted his hand to her face, though he did not make contact. His fingers hovered by her cheek for just a moment before he dropped his hand.

"As you wish, Polowski," he sighed, rubbing his beard again. "I'll make the arrangments to have you transferred back to Danse's outfit. Don't make me regret this."


	13. Chapter 13

AN: Was just doing some light editing for consistency. Most notably, I want the time that Johanna has spent on the Prydwen to be weeks, not months. If you spot any errors, please let me know so I can fix them. It's about time for things to progress and I want everything to be perfect.

oooo

 _Flipping through her physics textbook, Johanna hardly paid attention while the others in the classroom chatted while they waited for the teacher to show up. She was late by seven minutes already and no one knew quite what to do_ , _though it appeared that no one cared either._

 _Jo was content to sit and go over the homework herself, easily remaining the wallflower while the others took advantage of the time they were allowed to spend together, integrated and unsupervised._

 _The boys chatted up the girls, using topics of conversation such as how much weight they could press or their recent awards in physical training to impress them._

 _The girls seemed to revel in the attention and didn't need to do much besides nod at the appropriate places. Most of them were extremely beautiful and everyone was fit from being put through training._

 _Johanna knew, from reading about the human body in an elective health class, that their adolescent bodies were going through rapid changes and hormone levels were spiking, leaving the teens to seek out methods for releasing the sexual urges taking over. It was easy to see the proof in the small classroom of her peers. Soon the change would happen to her as well. It was unavoidable, and something she was not looking forward to, not in the least. The thought of losing control over her mind to a temporary chemical response was laughable_ _, but Jo didn't claim to have the ability_ _to skip past puberty_ _unscathed._

Johanna turned the laser rifle over in her hands, admiring it. Though it was a simple design, Brotherhood issue, she had never owned a firearm before, not counting the pistol she had stolen from her vault. The rifle was a sight more impressive than the 10mm she had carried, though still light enough to carry comfortably and fire accurately.

She eyed Danse appreciatively as he stood next to her at the firing range. Though it was eerily similar to the last time she had been here, Danse made her feel protected, even as Knight Murdoch and his friends stared holes into her back.

"You did well today, Polowski," Dase offered somewhat affectionately. Though Johanna would never say so outloud, she was glad for Nora's obvious absence. It was difficult to pry Danse's attention from the other vault dweller and Jo found herself reveling in his undivided attention.

"Thank you." She gave him a bright smile, feeling accomplished. After several hours in the training yard, Danse had proclaimed her to be 'very efficient' with the laser rifle and even declared that he thought she was battle-ready. His compliments meant more to Johanna than she would ever admit. It was Danse, afterall, who stuck his neck out and brought her aboard the Prydwen. She owed it to him to accomplish what was asked of her.

"I was told that after training you should meet Elder Maxson in his quarters." Johanna heard the stiff way Danse spoke and she wondered if it was such an unusual request. She had already spent so much time in Arthur's private quarters, even eating meals with him ocassionally while she worked on the holodisk. She did not say any of this to Danse, as she decided that he wouldn't approve. He was blinded to the part of Arthur Maxson that was an actual human being, rather than the figurehead of the Brotherhood.

"I'll be sure to do that," she nodded to Danse, though her eyes were on his giant feet, covered, as always, in his power armor. "Are we finished here?"

"We are," Danse replied lightly and Johanna realized that he was holding back something that was on his mind.

"Is there something wrong?" Jo stood stock still and gazed into Danse's brown eyes, so warm and unlike Arthur's.

"No, nothing's wrong... Nothing like that. I was simply wondering if you had any idea what Elder Maxson has summoned you for. You must have some inkling."

"I do not," she replied, trying to sound as uninterested as she could, while, in reality, her stomach was already in knots at the prospect of seeing the young man again so soon. "Perhaps he wants to know about our training today."

"I can't imagine why I wouldn't report to him directly," Danse muttered. Johanna froze with a sudden thought.

"Danse, you're _jealous_!"

"That's preposterous," he huffed, though his cheeks turned ruddy. "I was only wondering why our Elder is breaking the chain of command. There's been no prior arrangements of this manner."

Johanna giggled quietly, wishing Danse would understand if she told him that his stone cold leader needed to be treated like a human every now and then. But the Paladin lived and breathed Brotherhood, she had yet to see him concerned with anything else but the job.

"If you don't mind, I'd like to get back to the Prdwen, Danse. Affairs to see to, immediately, I should think," she teased him, hoping it came across as humorous on her part.

Juding by his facial expression, the humor didn't register with the paladin, though Jo couldn't help the grin that spread across her face.

They boarded the airship within five minutes in lasting silence. Jo didnt know whether it was a comfortable silence or not; her social skills still lacking. She sensed Danse was uneasy about something, but didn't think it was just because Maxson had asked to see her.

With a quick 'goodbye' to Danse, she realized she forgot protocol once more and grinned at her superior. Predictably, he gave her a half hearted 'Ad victorium' before heading on his way. Johanna turned in the opposite direction- towards Elder Maxson's quarters.

The hour wasn't late enough to justify the reasoning behind meeting privately in his rooms, and Johanna was beginning to feel a little of the unease Danse had projected on her.

She held her head high and knocked quietly on the door. She did not have to wait more than a few moments before receiving a response to enter.

Arthur stood, looking as intimidating as ever in his thick armored coat. Johanna wondered if he ever got too warm- it appeared the lining was made of wool, if she was not mistaken.

"Polowski," Arthur said in greeting, nodding politely.

"Hello, Arthur," she replied with a smile, not put off by his less than familiar behavior. "You wanted to see me?"

"Indeed. I thought we could discuss your training for field operative over a meal. I've thought of several more areas I want you to be prepped on before you leave the base again."

Jo stared with disbelief.

"More? I've already received rifle training, field medic training and even evacuation protocol. You don't think I'm ready to leave yet?"

"There's no harm in being prepared. Please." He gestured to the small dining table to the side and something caught Johanna's eye.

He knew she was going to be upset and had procured not one, but _two_ bottles of purified water and two ears of corn.

"Are you taking your medications?" Arthur asked stiffly, taking the cap off of a new bottle of Rad-X.

"Uh... I suppose I forgot this morning, but I didn't have breakfast either," she admitted, trying not to stare at the still steaming corn on her tray.

Perhaps more roughly than necessary, Arthur took the bottom of her right hand and used his other to slap the pills into the palm of her hand. She was sure he would comment about her skipping meals, if only because she looked 'frail', but he didn't.

"Sit. Eat."

It was all the invitation she needed, and Jo placed her laser rifle on Arthurs desk before going to the table and digging in.

She was incredibly hungry, but it hadn't been her attention to skip breakfast. After a sleepless night on the windy deck, she had simply slept through it. She didn't know why she had stayed out so late. Perhaps to see if Arthur might join her, though he never did.

"I want you to have extra training in using explosives and plasma weapons. And how to target syths for maximum damage," Arthur said, taking a seat at the table across from her. She quickly noticed that he did not have a meal tray of his own, though it was hard to broach the subject with her mouth full. "I was ill informed of the numbers the Institute posesses. You need to be safe out there."

"I will be going to a few farms, I'll be fine. Its not like the synths are living openly in town."

Arthur frowned at this, but did not argue her point. She saw her mistake almost at once. There was, in fact, no proof as to where the syths were living if they were in the Commonwealth as records suggested. And she had read the files herself, the reports that spoke so highly of the third generation of synths that the machine would be inpossible to tell apart from a human.

Johanna believed Arthur found the whole idea more than a little creepy, because he got a strained look on his face whenever the syths were spoken of; a gruffness to his tone that hadn't been there before.

She would never admit it outloud, though secretly she wanted to meet a synth, almost more than she wanted anything in her entire life. The technology had to be amazing; perhaps something more suited to a science-fiction novel than to real life. It gave her shivers just thinking about the prospect of getting her hands on technology like that.

"Danse said I've become extremely proficient with a laser rifle," Johanna began cautiously, watching Arthur from beneath her lashes.

"The topic is not open for discussion, Polowski," Maxson spoke roughly, correctly assuming where Johanna was taking the conversation. "You will receive the appropriate training."

"Will the other soldiers receive this training before going on missions?" She shouldn't question him, Jo knew that, but the words were out of her mouth quickly and she couldn't take them back. Nor did she apologize, not regretting her outburst and sincerely wanting an answer.

She wanted him to admit that he was treating her like a child, doing everything in his power to keep her aboard the Prydwen. She wanted him to admit that the other soldiers were receiving no extra training. She did not expect him to place his hand over hers on the dinner table, squeezing tightly.

"You're... too valuable to send out without proper training. Please, Johanna." It was the way he paused, unsure of his words that got Jo's attention. His breathing was semi labored, suggesting the topic was of real importance to him. She wanted to argue further, but she was so shocked by Arthur's open display that she instead took in the minute details of his expression. She did not get to see him like this, no one did.

"I will do what you ask of me," she acquiesced finally. "But not because I need the training, Elder Maxson, Sir. I suppose it would be quite troubling to you if I were to die."

"Troubling," he repeated. "I suppose that is one word."

His thumb began to trace circles on Jonhanna's hand, right at the sensitive spot between thumb and forefinger.

"Maybe you'd even miss me," she muttered, suddenly unsure of herself as her breath caught in her throat. Though Arthur wasn't doing a thing more than tracing shapes on her hand, her whole body tingled with the effects and she became slightly lightheaded.

"Miss you, indeed. You're the only one on this ship with enough guts to stand up to me. I'd be positively lost."

"You'd survive." She didnt know where to take the conversation from there, but Arthur seemed to snap back to reality as he pulled his eyes, and his hand, away from her.

"Lets not take the chance, shall we? I'm writing you an aquisition note for a small quantity of plasma grenades. You can take it to the quartermaster tomorrow and begin your training."

Sighing inwardly, she nodded and touched her wrist under the table where Arthur's hand had been only moments before. At this rate, Johanna didn't believe her training would ever be complete.


	14. Chapter 14

There soon came a time, as always, Jo was fast learning, when Danse was to leave the Prydwen for field labor.

He hadn't even needed an excuse from Elder Maxson, all Nora had done was bat those beautiful long lashes at him and it took him no time at all to agree to traverse the deadly area to the south known as the Glowing Sea. He had power armor, of course, and would be somewhat protected from the elements, but Johanna was concerned with the talk of wildlife activity in the area. It was rumored that Deathclaws and radscorpions were extremely populated to the south where they thrived in the inhabitable environment. The more she thought of it, Jo very much thought that Nora was asking Danse to run off to his death. In the name of the Brotherhood, he was only too happy to do just that.

Johanna didn't even receive a goodbye, but she got a short wave as she watched the vertibird leave with both Danse and Nora onboard.

Nora, sans power armor, blew her a kiss from the window, which startled Johanna for a few moments. She had probably only seen the gesture once or twice, it indicated strong affection and Jo was troubled by the thought that Nora didn't know her near well enough to be so forward.

She simply waved back, more out of reflex than anything. She wasn't sure how she felt about the other vault dweller, especially now that she had taken Danse away from her again so soon.

Jo felt a heaviness in the pit of her stomach that felt almost like radiation, but not quite. Was it jealousy? She was unfamiliar with the sensation, and couldn't place it.

It wasn't until she could no longer see the vertibird that Johanna came back to, startling slightly as she realized she was still on the outer decks, receiving windburn on her cheeks and a sharp pain behind her eyes from the sun. It was time to return to the blasted ship.

Someone stopped her near the door to the foredeck, a pale hand gripping her arm below the elbow.

"Polowski, we meet again."

She groaned internally, berating herself for not watching her step.

"Murdoch. I'm sorry, I'll try to be more careful in the future to prevent more of these meetings." She tried to walk past him, but he pulled her back with a firm yank on her elbow.

"I was looking for you. Elder Maxson recruited me to assist with your training while Paladin Danse is away."

"You're joking," Jo laughed, perhaps not realizing that she spoke aloud. She had several very good reasons to be skeptical. It came as a shock that Arthur had found a replacement, and so timely, but Alan Murdoch?

"No, I'm not joking with you." He gave her elbow another jerk, gritting his teeth as he spoke. Johanna didn't know what she had ever done to deserve the hatred looming behind those eyes.

"What are your qualifications?" Jo asked, refusing to give up so easily. Surely there were others better suited to training.

"Qualifications? Look, take up your problems with Elder Maxson, I'm doing what I was told to do. And so should you."

"Fine, I will!" She finally gave a pull with enough strength behind it to free herself from his grip, though a small part of her believed he had finally just let go.

Jo was steaming at the idea of him putting his hands on her. She felt as if he expected her to submit based on physical strength alone, and he was sorely mistaken. She would not soon forget all his hateful comments and petulant jokes about vault dwellers any time soon.

Located so very conveniently to the foredeck, Jo found Maxson in his viewing deck, looking out at the wasteland as he so often did when he was alone. She did not bother to speak up or introduce herself, her angry footsteps rang loud and clear in the empty room.

"Is this your idea of a joke, Arthur?" She demanded, stopping barely a foot from him. At this distance, she stepped back a bit, eyeing the width of the man. He sure didn't have to put up with her temper if he didn't want to.

"Scribe Polowski, you forget yourself." His tone was sharper than usual and Jo acknowledged the boundary of approaching as such in his professional domain.

"I've just met with one of your knights who seems to think he would make a suitable trainer in Danse's place."

"And you disagree?" He spoke quietly, tone more relaxed, open to suggestion than before. Yet she already heard the resignation in his voice, she tried to make him understand.

"I do. He... I..." She paused there, wondering what she could tell Maxson that wouldn't sound like childish tattling. Yes, he was rude to her, but what else could she say? "We don't get along," Jo finished lamely, her cheeks burning.

"And don't think I'm unaware. I assigned Knight Murdoch to be your guide with good reason. You need to know how to work with others, not only Danse. And Knight Murdoch has proven to be exceptional in all areas of training we offer. He fit the bill perfectly."

"So this is a punishment? You chose him because he hates me?" Johanna snapped more sharply than intended.

Her heart dropped into the pit of her stomach as her eyes found his to be dark and furious.

"Sir. Forgive me," she gasped, in disbelief of her own gall.

He waved his hand, motioning for her to come forward, closer than she was strictly comfortable with. Johanna did not back down, she took that step forward and found herself under Arthur's steady gaze.

"I admire your obstinacy, most of the time. But I am not wrong about this." He held her with gentle hands behind her elbows, so different than how Murdoch had grabbed her. She thought of admitting that she was afraid of the man, but she doubted the comment would serve any purpose in the Elder's decision. More likely, it would simply leave her embarassed and vulnerable.

"I'll respect your decision," Johanna said, subserviently bowing her head. He was so close now and his touch felt like a million bolts of lightning were shooting up her arms and into her chest. She almost gasped, but managed just to catch her breath for a moment. She stared into Arthur's deep blue eyes as he regarded her.

What were only seconds felt like hours as she stood still, letting his eyes roam across her face for some answer she didn't know the question to.

"I'm not addled or anything," Johanna chuckled uncomfortably, tensing under his firming touch. "I see your points and I'll adhere to your decision."

It must have been the right (or very wrong) thing to say, for the intense moment was shattered when Arthur cracked a smile. Jo smiled back, simultaneously pleased that she had made him smile and disappointed he had taken his hands off of her.

"I'm glad you see it my way. Scribe."

"Of course," she stepped back into her physical comfort zone, allowing more space between the two of them. "The sooner I complete training, the sooner I'll be leaving the ship. It's as good as any to make friends, isn't it?"

Arthur's smile became fixed, though the change was practically undetectable. Had he been hoping she would refuse?

"I should think so," he nodded slightly, disappearing back into the calm shroud he wore as Elder.

"I look forward to meeting with my new mentor," she spoke for his benefit, observing the formalities before she attempted to make a quick escape.

"I'll look forward to reading your reports."

When she turned to leave, Arthur's arm twitched as though he was going to touch her again. She paused, but only for a moment, because it was clear the movement has been interrupted by her quick departure and the moment was over before it could begin.

With her cheeks reddening, Jo hurried away, cursing the way she constantly misread social cues.

Though she had her ideas, Jo was nearly at a loss as to why Arthur's touch excited her body in such a way. She had felt physical attraction before and it was not much like what Arthur made her feel when he touched her. Some of the sensations were there, but with him so close, the feel of his hands on the back of her arms was on a completely different level that Jo had never experienced.

It had been exciting and terrifying at the same, and wasn't it just like her to mess it up and then run away?

Johanna thought she might be sick for a moment and put her hand on her stomach as she headed back to her common room. That lightheadedness followed her well after she laid on her bed, at rest to slow her racing heart.


	15. Chapter 15

Johanna found that she had plenty of time to recover from the incident with Arthur when she realized it had been three days since she'd seen him last. A part of her was wondering if he was avoiding her, though she imagined he was simply too busy to spare the time.

Three days that she had agonized over their last meeting, waiting for him to summon her, but he never did.

She had taken to sitting on the deck at night in hopes of meeting him there, but he never showed.

It was frustrating, stressing so badly over her mistakes, while she couldn't do a thing to fix it. The constant anxiety in her chest was at an all time high.

At some point, she recognized that she would have given almost anything for the bravery to approach Arthur herself, for the sake of their strange relationship. It was around that time that she realized something else- she missed him.

Of course, it was only natural with Danse gone and Haylen being so withdrawn that she should miss the normalcy of having a conversation without arguing the entire time.

Her lessons with Alan Murdoch were not going well, not by any means. He was as exasperating as always, Jo didn't know why she had expected that to change just because he had been tasked with instructing her in ranged combat.

The sky was darker than usual and Jo stared at the ominous green clouds, expecting precipitation at any moment. The Geiger counter on her wrist ticked every now and then from the moisture in the air and Jo was idly waiting for Murdoch to call it a day.

"Sorry, am I boring you vaultie?" Murdoch snapped, drawing Jo's attention away the clouds and back down to Earth. "Is there something more interesting up there? Clouds shaped like rabbits maybe?"

His friends chuckled, apparently finding his comment funny. That was another downfall of training with Murdoch. His friends were always around as well, though they didn't participate in any lessons. Likely, they were only there to antagonize her.

"Not at all," she responded dryly. "Generally, people don't see shapes in nimbostratus clouds." She hoped he caught her sarcasm, but she had a feeling the jab went right over his head.

"Are you kidding me? Get over here and actually try to hit the god damn target!"

"I am trying," Johanna argued, watching the anger dance behind his eyes. Logically, Jo knew he couldn't do a thing to hurt her without chancing the wrath of Elder Maxson. Cade would tell, even if Johanna kept silent.

"You're doing a piss poor job. It's a rifle, not a machine gun. Can't you keep a laser rifle on target?"

His friends laughed and that and Johanna scoffed.

"I simply think that it's past time to return to the ship. The rain is coming soon," she said, looking at the sky again seriously. She hadn't even taken her Rad-X this morning- again, she had slept through breakfast.

"Afraid to get a little wet? You really are pathetic, vaultie."

She opened her mouth to argue and shut it again. He had been born in the Wasteland and the rain was likely nothing that bothered him with the natural radiation resistance the people seemed to have. Perhaps to someone like him, she really did seem pathetic, trying to take instant shelter for a simple rain shower.

The problem was that she was so sensitive to the radiation that she knew she couldn't physically withstand any substantial amount of rain on her skin. The humidity in the air was sticking to her skin, settling in her limbs already and making them heavy.

"I'm sorry, I must insist that we return. I don't-"

"I say when we're done!" He yelled, so close that she felt his spittle on her face. No, a raindrop, she corrected herself, feeling another one on her cheek.

Johanna clenched her hands around the stock of her laser rifle, squeezing so hard that she wouldn't have been surprised to find splinters in her palms later.

"You are a tutor and nothing more to me," Johanna spat nastily, wrinkling her nose in disgust of both his breath and his behavior. "And I'm going back to the ship now."

"Hell you are," he grabbed her wrist as she turned to leave, yanking her back into place in front of him. "You aren't wasting my day! We don't even know how long the rain will be. Just hit the fucking target!"

"You want me to hit the target?" She yelled back, pulling her wrist out of his grip, outraged. "Fine! If that's what it takes to make you shut up!"

Furiously, Johanna leveled her gun to the target and pulled the trigger four times in quick succession.

All the shots were within an inch of the bulls eye, save one that was too far left. Johanna turned to Murdoch, snarling.

"Now you're going to get that vertibird to take me back up to the ship or I'm going to have to tell Arthur!"

"Arthur? Oh, did the vaultie make a little friend up on board? You think he can save you?"

"Maxson, I mean Maxson," she corrected herself, changing to the more formal surname before realizing her enormous mistake. Her relationship with Arthur, whatever it was, was a secret to the population of the Brotherhood, even to Danse.

Murdoch's expression was stony as he studied her for a few long moments.

She was almost relieved when he smiled, but his words chilled her blood.

"You're the Elder's latest squeeze. Of course..."

"You're despicable. It's nothing like that at all," she defended, recognizing the slang and feeling horrified. He thought she was having sexual relations with Elder Maxson. Arthur would surely throw her off the deck if rumors of the sort began circulating.

"Well, come on then Princess. Let's get you out of the rain before your make-up smears."

It was preposterous thing for him to say, as the rain was coming down quite hard now and Johanna thought it was obvious she wasn't wearing any sort of cosmetics, but she did not reply as her Geiger counter slowly ticked away at regular intervals. She needed to get out of the rain.

It was only on the vertibird back to the Prydwen that Jo spoke to Murdoch again, trying to handle the situation systematically, yet delicately. His two friends we on the other side of the helicopter. Over the noise of the machine and their own conversation, she was positive they wouldn't hear anything she had to say.

"I know you don't like me, Murdoch. But that's no reason to spread false rumors," she began with the quietest tone she could manage. He head her, she was certain by the way his smile widened.

"You think I'm going to ruin my Elder's reputation by spreading word around of this... momentary lapse of judgement?"

"I know how the Brotherhood gossips," Jo admitted, deciding not to comment on his view of the situation. "But I'm telling you, it's not what you think."

"Sure. Whatever you say, Princess. Save it for someone who cares."

"We're just friends," Johanna added lightly, extinguishing all of her options in the way of damage control. She would just have to hope it sufficed. Based of the way Murdoch rolled his eyes, Jo didn't entertain much hope.

"The Elder doesn't have _friends_. You can think that all you want, but you're just something to pass the time, nothing more."

Johanna frowned deeply, wondering if there would ever be a time when she could be around Murdoch without wanting to strangle him. He was so sure of himself and so crass, a rather irritating combination.

If she wasn't so weak and ill from exposure to the elements Jo would have snapped back at him for such blatant disrespect, but she simply didn't have the energy. Her stomach was beginning to turn violently ill and Jo was sure she was going to be sick before she made it back to the ship.

The wind blew roughly, swaying the great machine as the vertibird took them back up to the Prydwen, pelting Johanna's skin with more rain that blew in from the open sides.

She wondered at the other men, watching as they continued to talk amongst themselves, seemingly indifferent to the rain that soaked through their jumpsuits and laid against their skin.

Jo couldn't imagine being without the negative effects radiation caused her and she was immensely jealous of the way it didn't hurt the wastelanders at all.

Her body was beginning to quiver with muscle spasms that accompanied the sickness and Jo prayed silently that they would land soon, before she threw up. She could already imagine the disgusted look on Murdoch's face as he was forced to watch Johanna dry heave and expectorate stomach bile. It was not something that she wanted to come to fruition.

"You okay over there, Princess?" She head Murdoch speaking to her, but all she could manage was a weak nod. She could feel the helicopter docking and would soon be home free. If she still possessed the strength to walk of her own accord.

"We'll take her to Cade," she heard distantly, for at that moment she doubled over and her empty stomach heaved. She was glad she had skipped breakfast suddenly, grateful that there was nothing in her stomach to expel. That didn't stop it from trying as it clenched painfully and tremors wracked her limbs.

She felt someone lift her, more gently than she would have imagined Murdoch to be capable of, but the flash of red hair through her teary eyes was telling. She was too weak to protest as he looped one arm under her legs and placed her arms around his neck.

"I thought you were just being a pain in the ass," he muttered in her ear, only jostling her slightly as he walked over the deck and into the safety of the ship. "I didn't know..."

Jo was so grateful when the irradiated water stopped pelting her skin that she sighed, letting the tiredness overcome her, letting her cheek rest on the chest of the one who carried her.

"Too tired... to be snide..." she muttered into the rough, wet fabric against her face before unconsciousness claimed her.


	16. Chapter 16

She should have been fine to leave after a measured dose of Rad Away, but it hadn't happened like that.

In and out of consciousness, Jo was holding her wrenching stomach, dizzy and sweating as Cade measured the correct dose of medication into a syringe.

It had only taken him a few quick questions to deduce that she had radiation poisoning. She could have sworn she saw him roll his eyes as he readied the Rad Away. He was tight lipped, as always, so Johanna ignored Cade and watched him work in silence.

The needle was thick and Jo flinched as she watched it sink into the bend of her elbow. Cade kept constant pressure on the plunger and delivered the medication effortlessly and painlessly. It was only then that Johanna realized how badly her body ached, then, while the medicine drifted through her veins and gave her relief.

She was quickly becoming cold from the rain that had soaked her and the room temperature injection, but Jo was otherwise well again.

When she sat up from her position on the hospital bed, Cade pushed her back down by the shoulder.

"You'll want to sit for a while. Your radiation levels were pretty high." The man gave her a stern look that told her to remain where she was.

"I feel fine," she argued, but remained in her seat.

In the next moment, the door to the infirmary opened and Johanna's stomach fluttered again, though not from radiation.

Arthur Maxson stood in the doorway, looking at her with something akin to a snarl.

"Polowski," he greeted her coldly. "I leave you alone for two minutes and look what happens." Behind him, Murdoch stood looking red faced and sheepish. Jo wondered if the young Knight had received a lecture from the Elder. As her sponsor like Danse had been, Murdoch was now responsible for her well-being.

Maxson turned to Cade and began firing orders at the doctor, which Cade took in stride. He took notes, looking bored enough to glance over to Johanna for a long moment with what might have been a twinge of curiosity.

When Maxson ordered a dose of Calm-X and an overnight stay, Jo protested, even as Cade readied a syringe.

"That's so unnecessary! I've already been given Rad Away and I feel fine." She crossed her arms over her chest in defense and held them firm when Cade approached with the needle of Calm-X.

"Scribe Polowski, might I remind you to remember your place? You've been given a direct order." Arthur narrowed his eyes at her and she gulped at his icy gaze. Never before had she defied him in front of others and, if she had to guess, it was not going to end well.

With a theatric sigh, Jo threw out one arm and allowed Cade to inject her with the syringe. She cringed only a little, trying to keep a brave face for her audience. It wasn't even that she didn't want to take the medication, it was just that she didn't want to submit to Arthur's ridiculous orders. It was so like him to command her to do something so unnecessary.

The effect was almost instantaneous and Johanna sighed again at the calm that washed over her. Figures that were too far away became blurry and she whined, suddenly devastated that she couldn't make out the blue of Arthur's eyes anymore.

She blinked to clear her vision, gaze locked on a very blurry Arthur Maxson.

"Leave us," Arthur demanded of Murdoch and Cade. She thought he was watching her too, but she couldn't be sure.

The room was left in silence after a few moments, save for the beat of Johanna's heart and the sound of her pulse in her ears. Arthur's footsteps sounded like an explosion in comparison, but she was relieved he had finally taken the initiative to come closer.

He was in front of her now, less than a foot away. The toes of her hanging boots brushed against his pant legs.

"I can't deny that I'm upset with you. You skipped your Rad-X again."

His voice was soft, and his eyes were even softer as they traveled over her face with emotion.

"Incorrect. I slept through breakfast," she interjected with an easy smile. She felt fantastic, despite his words and the slight chill of her wet jumpsuit. He would forgive her. She wasn't worried. If anything, she was distracted. There were few occasions where she could remember Arthur being so close to her and none of them had ended well. Even through the fog of the Calm-X she was determined that it would not end badly this time.

"Again? Don't you sleep at night?"

"No," she told him, reaching out to touch the glittering zipper of his jacket. "Don't you ever get too hot in your coat?"

He ignored her question, but made no move to stop her from playing with the zipper.

"Why don't you sleep at night?"

"I wait for you on the deck," she admitted offhandly, touching the fabric of his coat with the tips of her fingers.

"Excuse me?"

"You have to get too hot, always wearing this thing." She stifled a yawn, smiling as she pulled the zipper down on Arthur's coat until it opened to reveal a plain white tee shirt underneath.

Johanna ran her hands over the fabric towards his shoulders, but he caught her hands with his tight grip before she could push the coat off.

She smiled unsurely, taking note of his fiery eyes, usually so calm.

"I'm sorry I questioned you in front of them," she whispered, holding his intense gaze. "Don't be angry with me."

"Perhaps I should have listened to you, if you're just going to sit there and ride out the high."

His voice was strained, though he released the tight grip on her hands. She didn't immediately pull away, though she could have.

"I don't want to sleep, I missed you."

"You've had a significant dose of Calm-X, you're not thinking clearly."

"Incorrect. Though I do become drowsy, I enjoy Calm-X because it gives me the opportunity to think without the doubts of constant anxiety."

He seemed to have nothing to say to that and Johanna continued sliding her hands up his chest, determined to see Arthur remove his coat.

"How anyone could wear wool..." she trailed off as he allowed her to push the coat down over his shoulders.

It hit the floor with a heavy thump, but neither of them made to retrieve it. Johanna was too busy staring at Arthur's wide and hardened body, revealed to her in the absence of the bulky armored coat. He still wore a tee shirt, but it was pulled taut over his chest and his muscles were straining against the material.

The initial idea was to make Arthur look more human, but Jo thought it may have backfired. His body was the definition of perfect, with a near inhuman quality that made her mouth dryer than it already was from the meds.

"Now what?" Arthur asked quietly, searing her with eyes that were on fire again.

"Now... now I'm going to call you by your first name," she grinned, still eyeing those exposed muscles on his arms. She took his hand in hers, threading their fingers together. "I missed you, Arthur."

"There are certainly better ways to get my attention than ending up in the infirmary. I hope that was not your intent."

"Of course not," she rolled her eyes at the notion of something so absurd. "You're just overreacting, like always."

"Overreacting? Johanna, you can't even take care of yourself. What do you expect after I find out you've nearly died from a damn thunderstorm?"

He squeezed her hand tightly, his knuckles pressing uncomfortably against hers.

"I'm sorry, Arthur. Don't be angry with me," she apologized with a slight whine. She had waited days to see him again and she suddenly wished it were under different circumstances.

"How can I stay mad?" He asked after a long pause. With his free hand, Arthur touched her cheek, running his thumb along her jawline. The touch ignited that fluttery feeling deep in her belly and Jo smiled in surprise. "You're going to be the one angry with me when these drugs wear off," he muttered as he stroked her cheek gently.

"What have you done?" Jo asked quietly as she leaned into his touch. His fingertips were hard and more calloused than she would have guessed.

"Besides drugging you against your will?" he chuckled and fell silent, though he continued to stroke her skin with gentle fingers and a lost look in his eyes.

"Was there something else, Arthur?" she asked breathlessly. She watched him lean closer through heavy lids, felt the gentle pressure of his lips brush her forehead.

"You're going to be mad at me for leaving," he whispered, pulling his lips away from her skin just enough. When he spoke, they brushed against her skin again. "But not as mad as I am at myself."


	17. Chapter 17

It was eight in the morning. She had slept for more than twelve hours in the med bay, undisturbed and peacefully.

Coming back to reality felt like a kick in the gut.

Almost immediately, she felt her nerves flutter as she remembered last night- the carefree way she had behaved towards the Elder was surely against protocol and she wondered if anyone had witnessed the event. The memory was blurry in her mind and she couldn't be sure. It bothered her, not knowing if she was going to be in even more trouble than she already was.

Sighing, Jo kicked her legs over the side of the bed and made to stand.

Cade was on her in an instant.

"Not so fast, Polowski," he pushed her back down on the bed by her shoulders. It seemed to require very little effort on his part and Johanna wondered if she was still suffering from any side effects from the medication.

"I feel fine. I'm ready for discharge," Johanna argued, bravely swatting his hands away. The look on his face made her wish she'd just sat still.

"I'm under orders, Scribe. I'm only to discharge you to Maxson himself."

She stared at the man for a moment in disbelief.

"I feel fine," she repeated, bewildered by the news.

"We'll just have a look," Cade muttered, bringing out his medical bag.

She let him examine her silently, lost in thought.

What did Arthur have planned for her? Another lecture? Would he perhaps tell her she couldn't continue training?

She hoped not, but couldn't imagine what reason Arthur had to deny her release.

"Everything is normal," Cade declared as he took her pulse. She patiently waited for him to finish, though she was bursting with questions about her dishcharge. The only thing that held her back was the look on Cade's face, plainly telling her that he wouldn't be entertaining any line of questioning.

"One more thing." He produced a bottle of water and two Rad-X pills in his hand and shoved them into her hands roughly. She brought the pills to her lips with shaking hands and avoided eye contact with Cade.

He really didn't have the best bedside manners for a doctor.

"Ah, Elder Maxson. You have good timing."

Johanna's heart fluttered at Cade's words, and sure enough, Arthur stood in the doorway, looking like his usual stoic self, and not looking at Johanna at all.

"Report, Knight Captain," he asked in that low tone that made Jo want to shiver.

"All vitals are within normal range. No radiation detected. She might be drowsy for a while, but it will pass…"

As the two men spoke, Johanna watched Arthur carefully, trying to determine his mood with no success. He wore the mask of Elder, eyes hard and expressionless. She felt that it did not bode well for her.

"Let's go, Polowski," Arthur said, shocking Johanna out of her dreamy state. She stood slowly, not wanting to make a fool of herself if she tripped and fell on her weak legs.

"Try not to visit again so soon," Cade called out as she crossed the room to Arthur. Her cheeks turned a light pink from his words.

"Understood. Thank you sir."

"Come, Scribe."

Still blushing, she followed Arthur as he exited the med bay.

He held out his arm, letting her pass the climb the ladder to the foredeck. Her tired muscles protested, but did not embarrass her further.

She made it to the top without issue and waited for Arthur to follow.

He turned away from his command center, going to one of the doors behind them. His own private quarters.

She swallowed hard, anxiety at an all time high. She couldn't imagine what he had to say to her that had to be spoken in private chambers.

Allowing him to hold the door open for her, she crossed the threshold and glued her eyes to the ground.

"Sir, I want to apologize," she blurted out as he closed the door behind them. Finding enough air to breathe was becoming difficult.

"Scribe. I want to lock you up on the Prydwen and never let you out."

Surprised by his soft tone, she looked up from the ground, slowly taking in the man in front of her.

He did not look angry, like she had expected, just tired. He looked like a man who hadn't slept decently in a while, a man who had been too worked up to sleep. He had been honestly worried about her.

Johanna relaxed slightly at his display of emotion, but still did not voice her many questions. Perhaps if she let him speak, he would answer them for her.

But he didn't speak again. He crossed the room to stand in front of her, only a foot away, towering over her and highlighting the differences in size.

It was then Jo noticed the discomfort in his features. Muscles that were tight and pinched, as if he wasn't exactly sure what to do.

"I said I'm sorry," Johanna whispered, not knowing what to say either. "Please don't keep me locked up."

He chuckled softly.

"Yes, that's what you'd be worried about, isn't it? Don't worry Polowski, I'm able to be the Elder because I can look at problems objectively. I won't destroy the career of a promising field scribe for my own selfish reasons."

"Sir?" His explanation only left her with more questions.

"I can't keep you locked up just because I'm afraid you'll be hurt."

She stared up at him still, eyes wide.

"Murdoch says you've been doing extremely well at the range. Well enough that he doesn't know what more to teach you."

She couldn't drop the soft laughter that escaped her lips.

"You're kidding. He never has anything good to say about my skills."

"Regardless, the reports I've received are signed and I'm my desk. You're being promoted."

She was taken aback and took in a sharp breath in surprise. It took a few moments to process his words, and then she was confused. He wasn't going to berate her for her recent blunder?

"Sir." She spoke softly, the word a question that she couldn't form.

"Congratulations," he continued with a small smile, as if aware of her confusion.

"I don't understand," she admitted. "I thought I was going to be reprimanded."

"And don't think I'm not upset with you either," he said suddenly, his eyes narrowing a little. "I've given Cade instructions to dose you with Rad-X three times daily. You're to report to him directly at the designated times."

"Sir, that's unnecessary," she argued at once.

"It's non negotiable."

Her cheeks burned again with embarrassment. How helpless he must think her.

"You look beautiful when you blush," Arthur said suddenly, the words even and light.

She hoped what he said was true, but she doubted it as her face colored even deeper.

He had never been so forward and Johanna was in shock.

"Thank you," she said, feeling like an idiot.

"I mean it, Johanna." He slowly brought his hand up to her face, brushing the tips of his fingers against her skin. His fingers were cool against her blush. "You're very beautiful."

"Arthur, what are you doing?" Her voice was breathy and weak.

"What I should have done a while ago," he said, sounding sure of himself.

With that, he kissed her. Just a lingering touch at first, perhaps to see if she would reject him. When she opened her lips for him, it changed into something much more substantial.

Johanna, who had never really been kissed before, scarcely knew what to do. Instinctively, her hands were on his sides, underneath his jacket and against the muscles rippling under his shirt. His lips moved against hers slowly and deeply, as if he were savoring every touch.

She couldn't deny she was enjoying herself. The knot in her stomach, though uncomfortable, wasn't entirely unpleasant. His lips felt like lightning bolts shooting life into her as he pressed them to hers and she nearly swooned as she became lightheaded.

He cupped her cheeks in his palms, kissing her lightly once again before pulling away.

Jo stood still as a statue, her hands still on his hips.

"I had to do that. At least once." He whispered darkly.

"You talk as if you're sending me to die," she said softly, watching his eyes for any hidden emotion.

"It's not you I'm worried about. I have to go on an assignment, Johanna. I'm not sure how long I'll be gone."

"You? But why, Arthur?"

"I can't talk about it."

Feeling as if she had been doused in cold water, Jo let her hands fall away from him.

"I see."

"Don't be angry. I could be wrong. When I come back, maybe…" he trailed off, but she noticed his eyes come to rest on her lips.

He wanted to kiss her again.

She wanted him to, but her mind was reeling.

"Will you be safe?" She asked, breathless as his eyes devoured her.

"Of course. I'll come back to you, Johanna."


	18. Chapter 18

Anyone still with me? I spent all day writing, I hope someone is out there.

xoxoxoxo

Though she was plenty busy over the next few days with aptitude tests and drills, Jo couldn't help but to miss Arthur in his absence. She replayed his kiss over and over in her mind, smiling to herself more often than not.

She felt like she was walking around in a day dream, lighter than air, even with Murdoch constantly telling her off.

Even now, meeting her squad for the first time, her mind was with him and what he would say as she stood tall in front of her fellow soldiers.

Recon Squad Gladius. Third Battalion.

Her new squad was not what she imagined at all. Murdoch was the senior most knight of their little group, joined by two young knights who Jo only recognized from their previous taunting of her. They were brothers by the name of Warren if Johanna's memory served her correctly. They looked so much alike Jo guessed they were fraternal twins. One brother was taller than the other with a shaved head while the second was wide with muscle mass and a piercing in his ear. The last member was a female knight called Vargas, a latina woman with sleek black hair who also served as a medic.

Johanna looked around at the group and smiled a little. Every member of the outfit was still green in someway, like Vargas who had just obtained the rank of field medic. The twins were still first rank knights, and Murdoch was newly promoted team leader.

They were certainly inexperienced, which Jo supposed could be cause for some concern, but she didn't honestly care. She finally felt as if she were a real part of the Brotherhood and everything that entailed.

She was a part of something bigger, not just living amongst them.

"We're headed out on a run today." Murdoch surprised her by saying. "Suit up, we leave in ten."

Murdoch didn't wait around for any questions, but followed the twins to the power armor bay. Vargas didn't wear power armor either, but she busied herself by checking out her rifle as Johanna stood silently next to her, still trying to comprehend her orders.

"You should get your gun," Vargas suggested with sweet sarcasm. "I assume you should bring a gun at the very least."

"Of course," Johanna stammered to the other woman, blushing deeply. She practically ran out of the room to find her locker which housed her supplies.

Feeling like a pistol just wouldn't be appropriate for her first real field mission, Johanna removed her laser rifle from the locker and took extra ammunition as well. She doubted that they would run into trouble on the vertibird to Sanctuary, but Danse had always said it was best to be prepared.

Her heart thumped painfully against her chest at the thought of her former mentor, and what he would have to say to her now.

It was a pity he was gone to the Glowing Sea, Johanna would have liked to see the pride shine in his eyes as he watched her join the ranks of his soldiers.

Before closing her locker, Johanna slipped her large backpack on, just in case she needed any room to stow materials from the wastes. As a scribe, it was her responsibility to be prepared for anything.

With a little nervous energy, Johanna took a moment to re braid her hair, tightly so that it wasn't in her face, obstructing her vision.

When she returned to the flight deck, her squad was waiting for her, fully equipped near a powered up vertibird.

Jo climbed on, getting a hand up from one of the Warren brothers, who she gave a grateful nod to.

"Okay team. Our objective is simple, it's just a supply pick-up. We get to Sanctuary, find our contact and load the delivery. Think you all can manage that without a visit to the med bay?" He looked at her pointedly and Jo scowled.

She should have known Murdoch wouldn't change just because of a new rank.

Everyone murmured their agreement, a little of the excitement dying out in their eyes as they realized they wouldn't be seeing any combat today. Sanctuary was as secure a town as one would ever find in the Commonwealth.

The ride felt longer than she expected as the group sat in silence, unsure of how to communicate with the others.

"Anyone ever been to Sanctuary before?" The taller of the twins asked, and the vertibird was silent. Vargas shook her head briefly and then continued to stare out at the passing wasteland.

"I have," Jo spoke up, breaking the silence. "It's a wonderful place," she added, remembering how taken she had been with the settlement when she had visited with Danse and Nora.

"What's it like?" Knight Warren asked, his tone full of curiosity.

For the rest of the ride, Johanna detailed the layout of the settlement, told them about the crops, the market, the robot sentries and everything she could remember. When she came to the part about the Deathclaw guardian, Vargas snorted in disbelief.

"Now you're just pulling out legs," she spat out, looking down on Johanna with narrowed eyes.

"No, I'm not," she replied defensively, reeling back. It did sound outrageous, Jo realized. She probably wouldn't have believed it either if she hadn't seen it with her own eyes.

"Come on, those things can't be tamed," Murdoch interjected. "They're nothing but killers."

"They have some sort of technology, though I don't know the specifics… You'll see." She hoped with all her might that the Deathclaw guardian was still healthy and thriving at the settlement, lest she be branded a liar or a crazy person.

"We're coming up on our destination," the pilot announced and the five of them craned their necks for a view out the open doors.

She could see it in the distance. It was lit up and just as impressive as she remembered. There were rows of crops reaching out towards the small creek, tall buildings built up around the rubble of the pre-war neighborhood, stands of electric wire strung up on wooden posts and the beautiful flow of electricity lighting up the streets. She let out a sigh of relief as she spotted a large Deathclaw near the entrance to the settlement, doing nothing in particular but stretching its arms.

"Dios mio," Vargas muttered, spotting the creature.

' _I told you so_ ' felt too juvenile to say, but Johanna smirked at the pale face of her comrade. She didn't miss how Vargas gripped her gun tighter.

The others didn't look happy either.

"I've never been within twenty clicks of a Deathclaw before," the shorter twin admitted. She was really going to have to learn their first names.

"You don't want to be," Murdoch said flatly. Then addressing the pilot, he asked, "Are you serious, Jensen? We're about to land next to that thing?"

"The girl was right, it's tame," the pilot said, deploying the landing gear. "I come here on weekly trips, never seen it become aggressive."

"Right. Well, it only takes once. Be on your guard, men." Murdoch loaded a clip into his gun as he spoke, looking a little unsure.

Vargas, still looking pale, but determined jumped off the vertibird first, keeping her gun trained to the west where the Deathclaw was. The twins followed, then Murdoch. Johanna was last, and much more relaxed than the others. She saw no point in taking her gun out.

Some of the farmers in the field next to them looked at them in confusion, but one stood to greet them.

"Brotherhood?" He asked gently, wiping the swear from his brow.

Vargas snorted.

"What gave it away?"

The man frowned at her and Murdoch stepped forward.

"We're here for a supply pick up. Do your people have it ready?"

"I'm just a farmer," the man shook his head. "Nora will be the one to talk to about that."

"She's here?" Johanna blurted out, over whatever Murdoch had been going to say.

"She just returned today. As far as I know, she's in her house. It's-"

"We know where it is," Jo interrupted him, her mind reeling quickly.

Nora was supposed to be in the Glowing Sea with Danse, could that possibly mean he was there as well? Maybe they had just stopped at Sanctuary for a rest before returning to the Prydwen?

"Scribe Polowski," Murdoch said, clearing his throat to fill his voice with authority. "You'll lead us to Knight Barber."

"Yes. Sir."

She did not roll her eyes, but the thought crossed her mind. In her opinion, Murdoch was trying just a little too hard.

The walk was a short one, as they were able to land fairly close to the settlement, and to everyone's relief, they did not have to pass by the Deathclaw.

Jo remembered Nora's house well, as it was one of the only original buildings that had remained standing. Though the red paint was peeling, the door was sturdy when she knocked on it.

After a minute, no one had answered and Jo was about to knock again. Her fist met air and the door swung open from the inside.

There was Nora, looking noticably worse for the wear, as if she had missed out on several days of sleep. Her hair was uncombed, dirt was caked under her fingernails, and her usually pale skin was red with sunburn.

"Johanna," she cried out, drawing the girl into a hug. Jo was shocked into submission, though she wondered why Nora was treating her so kindly. They were hardly friends.

When she pulled away, Jo was startled to find tears in the other woman's eyes.

"You won't find him here," she whispered, lips trembling.

At a loss, Johanna stood stock still in front of the emotional woman. An image of Danse flashed across her mind, for who else could she be talking about?

"He's dead, isn't he?" She deadpanned. A sob tore out of Nora's throat and she threw her arms around Johanna once more.

"You don't know," Nora cried, soaking her shoulder in tears. "He's been kicked out of the Brotherhood."

Johanna had never felt more conflicted in her life.

What Nora was telling her made no sense, or it made perfect sense.

It would explain why Arthur had to leave the Prydwen on an assignment that he couldn't tell her about. He wouldn't have wanted her to worry about Danse.

But what possible reason could the Elder have to get rid of such a model soldier?

Nora either couldn't, or wouldn't, tell Johanna anymore. With the small squad of Brotherhood soldiers standing behind her, Jo thought it was the latter. The woman continued to cry on Johanna's shoulder, muttering things like 'my fault' and 'the Elder knows', but not much of her ramblings made sense.

"Knight Barber," Murdoch interjected, quieting Nora's tears, and for once Jo was glad that the man was her leader. "What are you talking about?"

"I shouldn't have said anything," she gasped with wide eyes. "Please, I forgot myself…"

"But-"

"Please. Just take your supplies and go."

There was a tense moment where Jo was sure Murdoch would argue, but he simply nodded to his squad and made a signal with his hand for them to move out.

Brotherhood was always about the mission, first and foremost, and right now the mission did not include an uncooperative, sobbing woman.

Lingering behind the group, Jo grabbed Nora by the wrist before she could disappear back into her house.

"Tell me," she whispered harshly. "Tell me why."

"Don't trust Maxson," she whispered back, drying her tears with her sleeve. "He's going to kill Danse for being what he is. You can't trust him."

The words felt like a blow to the gut.

"What aren't you telling me?"

"He's a synth, Danse is a synth."

A snyth. She racked her brains for the familiar word and didn't have to try long to come up with the meaning.

Synthetic humanoids had been described in detail on the holodisk she had begun to decode for the Brotherhood.

But it was entirely impossible for Danse to be a robot, Jo thought, tightening her grip around Nora's wrist.

"How do you know that word?" She asked in hushed tones. Her work on the holodisk had been top secret and she had never heard anyone talk about synths, even with the way the Brotherhood gossiped.

"I've been there, inside the Institute."

That was entirely impossible, she wanted to argue. The Institute didn't exist. It couldn't. But there was nothing but sheer honesty in the other woman's eyes.

"Where's Danse?" She asked instead. The look that flashed across Nora's face told Jo that the answer she would receive was a lie.

"I don't know."

"Let's go, Polowski," Murdoch called, irritation in his voice.

Nora gave her one last pleading look before shutting the door in Johanna's face.


	19. Chapter 19

Thanks for reading, sorry about the double post. I fixed it!

xxx

Tight lipped as she was, Jo still found it difficult not to confide her fears to Murdoch. Not that she normally would have chosen him for a confidante, but he brought up the subject constantly, even taking to joining her for breakfast so that he could question her. He was persistent.

Apparently, he had deduced that it was Danse whom Nora had been speaking of and, of course, came to Johanna for answers.

She had none to give him, not really.

Had she given in and shared the information she did have, he would have thought she was lying to him or thought her crazy.

It was simply too incredible to believe. Impossible, almost.

Though she did have one piece of evidence, she couldn't share it with Murdoch or anyone else. She was bound to secrecy on the holodisk project- the one that detailed the existence of synths.

She twisted around in her bed to get comfortable, but it was no use. She was emotionally and physically exhausted, but wound too tight to sleep for more than a few, broken hours.

Days later, her mind was still racing with obsessive thoughts of Arthur, of Danse and of the Institute. It made her head spin.

It would be easy to believe Nora had simply lost her mind... if not for the holodisk. It was physical proof that the Institute existed, but Johanna had not believed it.

Now she was filled with doubt.

Perhaps the Institute did exist. They would have to be underground, she reasoned. It was highly improbable for a community of scientists to flourish in the wasteland without attracting notice. It wasn't likely, but it was possible.

Yet, if the Institute did exist, then that would mean that their synths were real. That they were living among humans in the Commonwealth. That she might even know one, quite intimately.

That was where she started to second guess herself. The scientist in her had a hard time accepting that concept.

But she had decrypted those files herself, she had read them over the course of weeks and had retained quite a bit of information from that data.

One such file was an updated roster of every synthetic humanoid that belonged to the Institute. It contained thousands of designations, such as A1-02 or C6-97, thousands of machines that claimed to look and function just like a human.

Was her former mentor really somewhere on that list? She couldn't help but to stress over the idea, feel the gnawing guilt that she, in part, was responsible for Danse's discovery.

A part of her wanted to ask Proctor Quinlan, who had taken over the holodisk project, if he'd been the one to sell Danse out, just to see the shock on his face. The logical part of her knew that she would not get her answers that way.

The knight in the bunk below hers let out a loud snore that startled her and she huffed in annoyance. Sleep was so hard to come by now and Johanna felt it was starting to show in her general attitude.

Resigning herself to another night of restless, broken sleep, Jo hopped down from her bunk and found her shoes. She had been spending a good amount of her time on the flight deck because she found it to be a good place to think. She made her way through the Prydwen to her favorite haunt, her own footsteps the only noise in the dawn.

The morning was cool, but Johanna was used to it by now. It didn't even bother her when her skin prickled with gooseflesh. She sat down near her favorite alcove, letting her feet hang over the edge. Usually, she would be wishing for Arthur to come join her, but right now she wasn't sure what she would say to him.

Would he really kill Danse if he proved to be a synth? The Paladin was the most decorated member of the chapter, a true Brotherhood soldier if she'd ever seen one. Surely he had proven his worth.

It didn't make sense.

If Danse was a synth, then he didn't know about his origins, she decided, though with no real logic to back it up. He lived for the Brotherhood. There was no way he was a traitor as Arthur must believe. He was her mentor. Her friend. She was filled with dread at the idea of his death.

When the vertibird appeared in the distance, Jo thought little of it. It wasn't until it was about to dock that she realized the irregularity of the situation. The vertibirds weren't flown at night because of low visibility and it was barely dawn.

She knew it was him. Arthur.

Johanna stood up suddenly, her eyes on the vertibird as the power was cut from the machine. Her ears were ringing in the resulting silence.

She found him easily among the men who exited the vertibird, the lone figure in a leather coat next to towering men in power armor.

Johanna's legs began to tremble as he caught sight of her. His features were unreadable, his eyes hard and posture stiff as he watched her. She knew in that instant that her fears were about to come to fruition. He would give her the answers she needed, though not the ones she wanted to hear.

The small crowd dispersed, leaving Maxson and Johanna to stare each other down in silence, alone on the flight deck.

He came to her first, steps sure and unwavering. Johanna was shocked when he pressed his lips to hers for a deep kiss, but that wasn't why she didn't respond. Arthur pulled away with the taste of her tears on his lips.

"Johanna." He was surprised, confused maybe. He didn't have any idea what troubled her.

Jo choked back the words that were threatening to spill from her lips, accusations, and demands that he tell her the truth about Danse.

"What's wrong? Surely you didn't miss me that much."

"Did you kill him?" It came out as a whisper, but Jo knew Arthur heard her by the way his eyes widened.

He looked at her for a long moment, confusion shaping his brow.

"What do you know?"

"Don't play games," she snapped, losing what little resolve she had to stay calm. "Just tell me. Did you kill him?"

It was the moment of truth. Would Arthur tell her the truth about his mission? Would he confirm her fears or comfort her with lies?

A soldier in power armor stepped out onto the deck, removing his helmet so that he could light a cigarette.

"I suggest we take this somewhere more private."

She couldn't help but to feel like he was dodging the question and her heart sunk just a little more with dread.

She followed him to his chambers, fighting back tears. She had never cried in front of anyone before, unless you counted when Jacob had broken her arm back in the vault. It made her feel more weak than usual. She blamed it on the sleepless nights she had endured and tried to control herself.

Arthur shut the door and turned to her, stoic mask gone. He looked down on her with confusion, bringing his hands up to rest on her shoulders.

"What do you know, Johanna?" He asked again, though softer this time.

"Danse," she croaked his name. "You went to find him. To kill him."

There was a long pause in which Arthur squeezed her shoulders tightly.

He swore suddenly and released her.

"I don't know how you found out, but you must know the truth. He was a traitor to the Brotherhood-"

"No! He wasn't!" Johanna surprised herself by shouting, as red hot anger courses through her veins.

"He was loyal to the Brotherhood, to you."

"He was an abomination of science, and deserved death," Arthur shot back with venom in his voice. "You're just a child, you have no idea what you're talking about." Johanna was taken aback. Arthur had never spoken to her in such a manner and it left her stunned.

"A child?" she cried indignantly. "Is that what you really think of me?"

He threw his hands up, exasperated, and began pacing as Johann let her tears fall.

"You don't know the first thing about my responsibilities as Elder, the responsibility to protect everyone on this ship. I had no choice."

"Because of the Institute?"

"I dont expect you to understand the threat they pose."

"Why, because I'm such a child?"

"Damn it, Johanna. You lived your entire life in a vault," he replied heatedly. "There's no way you could comprehend the dangers of the wasteland. You can't even take care of yourself out here properly."

"I may not be a survivalist, but I'm smart," she told him, wiping away her tears, hopefully for the last time. "I know the Institute has never shown any signs of aggression towards the Brotherhood, or anyone. Their stolen data seemed to indicate they are a peaceful settlement, taking every precaution to remain hidden."

"Your work on that project was and will stay confidential, I know I don't have to remind you to keep your mouth shut about it," he warned.

Johanna laughed softly, though without humor.

"Just tell me, then. Did you kill him?"

"I did what I had to do, Johanna. Just as you must. It's the way of the Brotherhood."

"Listen to yourself," she cried out. "You could justify anything with that logic. You could kill an innocent man-"

"He wasn't a man, Johanna, he was a machine."

"He may not have been human, but he was a man, Arthur. And he deserved so much better."

She strode to the door, suddenly wanting nothing more than to escape, but Arthur grabbed her wrist and pulled her back.

"Johanna, wait."

"No, Arthur. I don't want to hear anymore."

He pulled her back again, grip tightening around her wrist.

"You need to hear the truth," he insisted. "I did what was necessary. To protect everyone on this ship, including you, Johanna. Your safety is so important to me..."

Using his free hand, he touched the side of her face gently. Despite everything, her stomach fluttered and she blushed.

He cupped her cheek and drew forward, pressing his lips to hers once more for a deep, lingering kiss.

Jo pulled away after a few seconds, but Arthur did not stop his assault on her senses. He pressed his lips to her neck then and whispered against her skin.

"How can I make you understand?"

His breath was hot on her skin, though it made her shudder as if she were cold.

"You won't convince me."

Unfortunately, her voice was unsteady and filled with doubt.

"Let me try," he muttered, face still buried in the crook of her neck.

He didn't wait for her to respond, but pinched her skin gently between his teeth, drawing a gasp from her lips. As he soothed the bite with another kiss, Jo felt her resolve waver even further.

"What are you doing?" Her voice was breathy and weak and held a note of panic.

"Let me show you what you mean to me."

He nipped at her earlobe, causing Johanna's eyelids to flutter.

He must have felt the change in her demeanor because he moved back to her lips then, covering them with his own with more force than he had ever used. Their teeth clashed together for a moment before they found a steady rhythm.

Johanna feared her heart was going to explode, it was pounding so hard and fast. Kissing Arthur ignited something deep inside of her, spiking her adrenaline, making her dizzy.

Her hands found their way to his hair, pulling gently on the longer strands on the top of his head. His resulting moan made her knees weak.

"Johanna," he whispered, still so close that Jo could feel every syllable his mouth formed agaist her lips. She looked up at him with lusty eyes, allowing his hands to travel up from her hips to her waist.

Perhaps she would have let him go even farther, had a loud knock not sounded from his door.

"Elder Maxson," someone called from the other side of the door, knocking with slight hesitation.

Annoyance crossed his features, almost too quickly for Jo to catch before he schooled his features into a mask of indifference.

He pressed one more kiss to the corner of her mouth before backing away, leaving Jo to mourn the loss of his warmth.

She stood still as he crossed the room, pulling the door open just enough to speak to the soldier on the other side.

"What is it?" He asked, voice even and unaffected.

"You asked to be informed immediately. Knight Barber has returned."


End file.
